Memes gone wild

Whoohoo! Posting two days in a row! I’m wild and crazy! I flat out stole this meme from Jen at Jennsylvania. That’s right, I’m a meme stealing rebel. You gotta watch out for me. You cain’t ever tell what I might do.

1. Do you have a college degree?
Nope. I have a GED. I scored higher than anyone else in the state of Louisiana for that year. That’s right, I’m smarter than any other high school drop out in Louisiana for the year 1990. Suck it, fellow drop out bitches!

2. What was the amount of your last electric bill?
I don’t know exactly how much because we seem to have misplaced the bill, which will be even funnier when they turn the power off for nonpayment. Pookie says to say it’s outrageously high.

3. Do you have life insurance?
Yep, but Pookie has way more. So while we would prefer to drift off this mortal coil together, in our sleep, in the nursing home when we’re 100, really, it makes more financial sense for him to go first. I’m just sayin’.

4. How many hours per week do you work?
As few as possible. HAHAHA. Ahem. Anyway, about 40 a week. But only until I win the lottery.

5. Have you ever attended a Toastmasters event?
Um. Nope. And I’m pretty sure I’m grateful to be able to say this.

6. Favorite place to attend Happy Hour?
I’ve never actually attended Happy Hour. I am a lightweight puss.

7. How many miles is your commute to work each day (one way)?
About 7 miles, I think.

8. What time do you get up every morning for work?
6 a.m. Also known as ‘what the fuck is that noise? o clock.’

9. What is your definition of sleeping in late?
Usually 8 a.m. but I’ve been known to dwell abed until 10 or so. I hate sleeping late on a day off. The whole damn day is just gone.

10. Do you check your cholesterol on a yearly basis?
Ha. That’s funny. No.

11. How large was your first cellular phone?
I’ve only had one for about 6 years, so it wasn’t one of those mega-phones. (get it? megaphone?)

12. Does your employer provide good health insurance?
I suppose so, but I don’t take advantage of it because Pookie’s is AWESOME, thank you very much. I had a baby for FREE, people.

13. Did you use the internet to write a research paper?
Um. No. When I was still writing papers, about 5 people had internet and I wasn’t one of them.

14. Have you attended a HS reunion?
Nope. I don’t think they have GED reunions. And if they did, I’d have to take a pass. Because, really.

15. How many jobs have you held in your professional career?
Hmm…not counting fast food jobs as a teenager and young adult, because everyone does that, I’ve had 5 jobs, all of them grooming and for a brief glorious time as my own boss with Patsy as my partner. (I miss that. I miss Patsy and I miss being able to tell a customer what was on my mind. ‘You don’t like our price and don’t want to pay even though you knew the price before you dropped off your dog? Here’s what I’ll do: You pay me every red cent you owe me and then carry your ass somewhere else next year when your neglected, matted, mangy dog needs another haircut. How’s that?’)

16 Have you ever been fired or laid off from a job?
Once. Kind of funny actually, because I didn’t deserve to get fired and the boss actually called me repeatedly over the next few months to try to get me to come back. The funny part is all the times I didn’t get fired when I deserved to. Burger King will put up with a lot of shit, is what I’m saying here.

17. What is your favorite drink?
Sweet iced tea. If we’re talking alcoholic beverage, well, I guess I’d say White Russian, mostly because because it doesn’t taste alcoholic. Did I mention that I’m a lightweight?

18. What is the most expensive bottle of wine that you have in your residence?
I don’t actually think we have any wine. I don’t like wine and will generally only drink it if it’s white and I can put some Sprite in it. I realize I just made people all over the internet cringe, but that’s how I roll, y’all.

20. How old were you when you stopped getting ID’d for Alcohol?
Ha! Wanna hear how old I was when I started getting ID’d? I’ve never been carded, except for cigarettes when I was in my early 30’s and I think the girl must have needed glasses. I still stuck my tongue down her throat in gratitude though. I wonder if she thinks about me still. Sigh.

21. Favorite casino?
I’ve only been to one, so that one’s my favorite! I can’t remember the name, but it was on this side of the Red Rver in Louisiana right down from the Sci-port, if that helps anyone.

22. Are you happier now than you were in high school?
Oh, Hellz yeah. Fatter but happier.

23. Did you ever have Hypercolor shirts?
I don’t know what they are, so I think we can safely assume I’ve never had one. I did rock parachute pants though. I had em in every color, and I was HOTT.

24. Do you remember when Michael Jackson was black and attracted to older people?
Why, yes I do. Man, he was the most adorable kid on earth when he was little. And still pretty cute when he did the Thriller album. Now, I hear he faints every time he hears that they have little boys’ pants half off at Wal-Mart. Schmuck.

25. Do you remember when MTV actually played music videos?
I want my, I want my, I want my MTV. Yeah. I kinda feel like we got the best years of MTV. I have to admit though, I’ve watched more than my fair share of Real Worlds. I could still kick that little bastard Puck’s ass.

26. Have you had a will made?
Nope. I guess we should, huh? Not right now though, I’m too busy being invincible.

27. What music was in your cd / cassette player when you were 16?
John Cougar Mellencamp, baby. There was a boy who went to my school who looked just like him and I adored him from afar while humming Jack and Diane and wishing that my mother had had the foresight to name me Diane. Sigh.

28. Favorite fancy / upscale restaurant?
Alfredo’s. We loved it before it became fancy and upscale, when it was still housed in an old building made of rocks that used to be a liquor store.

29. How long has it been since you attended a kegger?
I was 16 when I attended my first and last kegger. I’ve had more fun and better conversation during visits with the Ob-gyn.

30. How many major wars have you lived through?
I think they’re all major. I cannot find it in myself to think ‘minor’ when guns are being fired at human beings, sorry. So basically every conflict involving weaponry since 1969.

31. Where were you when you found out about 9-11?
On my way to work when the first plane hit, thinking it was just (just??) a horrible tragedy. At work when the second plane hit and the news about the other planes hit and I realized what was really going on.