I Have Arrived ( Now edited for your pleasure)

This just in from the comments!

“anonymous said…

Why don’t you write a post on the reasons why Little Miss Sunshine, the perfect wife of the perfect doctor, tears strangers down…low self-esteem or jealousy are my two guesses. Anyone in Texas or blog land want to chime in?

Perhaps more people would read your stuff if it was enlightening or even well-written.

Go back to baking cookies and wiping butts…methinks your true talent lies there. Most writers don’t need a “hook”–their words speak for themselves. Your criticizing others speaks volumes of your character.

I’m ashamed for you.”

I know. Awesome, right? My first mean comment! Well, my first mean comment that didn’t come from a close friend or family member. Because those are some mean motherfuckers, and Anonymous looks like an amateur in comparison.

Nonetheless, I am excited by ths development, because only the big bloggers get mean comments. So don’t let the amateurish quailty and poor writing here fool you; I’ve hit the big time, baby.

I do have a few issues with the comment though, and I thought I’d take a moment to list them here.

First off we have:
“Why don’t you write a post on the reasons why Little Miss Sunshine”

Sadly, I am not Little Miss Sunshine. I realize you don’t know me all that well, Anonymous, but I am not the least bit sunshiney. I am however, incredibly cute , especially when I smile, what with the dimples and all.

Then we have: “the perfect wife of the perfect doctor”

Ha! That’s a good one. I am not a perfect wife, far from it, as a matter of fact. Pookie may feel free to chime in here, although he’ll be mighty uncomfortable trying to sleep on one of the love seats if he does. Also, Pookie is not a doctor. I’ve never even hinted that he might be a doctor and am really not sure where you came up with that. Although he does like to play doctor and is, in fact, quite good at it.

“tears strangers down…low self-esteem or jealousy are my two guesses.”

My guess would be both. I hate myself and I hate you. Maybe I need to see a doctor? Oh, Pooookie….

“Go back to baking cookies”

Oh, that’s a good one. Not that baking cookies is not a noble pursuit, but I don’t do it. Don’t get me wrong, I loves me some cookies, but to be frank (and possibly give you actual ammunition against me, instead of the shit you’ve made up out of whole cloth), I am not a good cook. There, I said it. I feel better now, don’t you?

Now, as to the rest of it, where you essentially call me a shitty writer, well, ya got me there. I’ve never referred to myself as a writer because I’m not. I’m a blogger, nothing less, nothing more.

By the way, in the interest of full disclosure, Anonymous is angry with me for having an opinion of *her* site by way of a site called Trainwrecks.

(Edit: Anonymous found me thanks to a link attached to my name on a comment I made at Trainwrecks. The nice (or not-so-nice, depending on who you are) people at Trainwrecks are not affiliated with Anonymous. Tarte Au Citron is a contributor to Trainwrecks and is most decidedly NOT Anonymous.)

(Also, I love my cousin Jo.)

If you feel up to following the trail, please do, but I’m not linking to her here, because I don’t have to. I, at no time, commented at her personal blog. Also, whoever DD is that defended me in her comments? Thanks! Please say Hi, so I can thank you properly.

Ok, I have to run to Wal-mart, eat some fish and fried green tomatoes and then watch Project Runway. Try not to envy me.


15 Responses to “I Have Arrived ( Now edited for your pleasure)”

  1. Christie Says:

    Dude, so if I like called you a skanky whore who wouldn’t know good illiteration from moldy toe cheese would your head explode with pride?? Congratulations on being a big time famous blogger!!! YAY!!!!! Don’t know ya, but had to read the comment from psycho martini loser chick and, well, now I just like ya.

  2. Jo cousin to Contrary Says:

    Oh Contrar’ I’ve come sooooooooooo far since being raised in the hood. I didn’t even wanna whoop her ass or nuttin when I read that.

    I’m so proud of you, cousin… with your handling of your new found enemy. Now.. admittedly, your new foe is weak and quite unprepared for this. She lacks.. cleverness, wit, and well.. a fucking CLUE. YOUR response… brilliant. But, it’s a start.

    HEY… *grin* I think you found your “hook”. You can let other, less talented, attention seeking wannabe blogger bitches… say dumb shit.. then you respond intelligently with satire (Tarte au Citron… http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/satire … there you go darling… so you aren’t confused) that IS applicable.

    Contrary, I truly hope your new foe continues this … if for no other reason for me to relish in your bitch-slapping her, blogger style. BRAVO!

    I didn’t know Pookie was a doctor! That explains the stirrups I saw in your bedroom.

    Now with all that being said… fuck her, feed her fish heads.

  3. nila Says:

    Your first troll. Congrats!

    Somehow the finale of Project Runway didn’t live up to my expectations. I heart Tim Gunn.

  4. Robin Says:

    Not real anon when she signs her name. Not too bright that one.

  5. Hammer Says:

    Don’t you love drive by trolls?

    They just open their car window and fling a handful of poo at your blog like some monkey with mad cow disease.

    I liked your responses though, and welcome to the big time 😉

  6. Pookie Says:

    Poor anonymous troll. I guess that three martini breakfast explains showing up unarmed for a battle of wits.

  7. Pat K Says:

    I love this blog. LOL

  8. Rude Cactus Says:

    Ahh, a proud moment indeed 🙂

  9. Jo made a boo boo Says:

    I am sorry… I realized what I’d done. I wrote the name of the Trainwrecks blogger… but I didn’t mean her. I knew it wasn’t THAT person when I was reading everything. I copy and pasted the name… but didn’t notice that it was the wrong one and I should have just wrote anonymous. 🙂 Makes it hard to make a point when I pick the wrong name.

    My truest apologies Tarte Au Citron.

  10. Mrs.Chili Says:

    And what is it with people who are too chicken shit to leave their name (or, at least, an alias) when they have crappy things to say? I’ve got an “anonymous” who only says snarky things to me (though never outright RUDE things, but still). I mean, come on: if you’re going to be a bitch, stand up and OWN it, you know?

    Truly, though – your response? Inspired.

  11. Andy Says:

    Meh, don’t feed the trolls. They thrive on attention. Just delete their comments.

  12. Woman with kids Says:

    I’m SO jealous! A real, live, mean comment? You have hit the big time. I’ve been lurking for a while, but had to stop in and donate my 2 cents (or almost 5 cents, with inflation).

    Mean people suck… but they do provide great targets!

  13. Jonathon Says:

    Whoa. That was an awesome comment. The meanest I’ve got so far was someone telling me that I’d send something “pretty ugly”.

    Whoever is reading this, feel free to wander over to my blog and call me horrible names (or whatever). I’ll love you for it.

    PS: Texas bloggers rule.

  14. Jess Riley Says:

    Sorry to hear about the anonymous meanie. But you’re correct in that this is one indication that you’ve hit the big time! 🙂

  15. ostrov Says:

    Thank you,
    very interesting article

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