I tend to watch Project Runway on Thursday night instead of Wednesday (the night it airs) for two reasons.

1. I have Tivo . I can fast forward through the commercials. I can rewind to the best bits. I can pause it while I yell obsenities at the TV. Seriously, if you don’t have TiVo? Get it.

2. By the time it’s all Tivo’d, it’s 10 o’clock and time for this old bird to get to bed. Early to bed, early to rise makes a girl surly, rude and unwise.

So I didn’t start watching last night’s episode until just now. The title of this post was what I said, verbatim, when I saw the twist at the beginning of the episode.

Jo, why you didn’t call me?? I know you were planted in front of the TV last night, you no Tivo having bitch.

( I have to break in here to tell you that Kayne just caused Tim Gunn to say ‘Oh, Jesus!’. Awesome.)

Oh, Geez, Laura’s crying. Usually, I have no respect for that kind of thing, because Girlfriend, grow up. This is business and you got no business crying. But she’s pregnant and exhausted and is crying against her will. I feel for her.

Ok, Vincent’s model (yes, Vincent!) was in an accident. She’s fine but they replaced her with another model. One a lot bigger than the first model. So big she broke the zipper in his top. Now y’all know how I feel about Vincent, but that is just crazy. Was there an effort to find a like sized model? Criminey.

Ok, my impressions of each outfit:

Angela’s: HATE.

Kayne’s: Meh. Think he’s gonna get points taken off for not quite following the guidelines given.

Laura’s: LOVE. (I thought I should be equally as emphatic about love as hate.) That model looks adorable, respectable and sexy.

Michael’s: Oh, damn. That man can make a dress look good and make a good-looking woman look even better when she wears it.

Jeffrey’s: I don’t need to see a drug test. That boy is smoking dope. The good shit, too. This dress would be appropriate at a cocktail party given by the Osbournes.

Uli’s: Eh, not so much.

Vincent’s: Don’t look now, there’s a high class hooker on the runway.

And the winner is…..Laura!! Whoohoo!

Now, let’s see who’s leaving.

Aww, man. It’s Kayne. The one time his outfit doesn’t look like it belongs in a closet at Graceland and he fucks it up with this little white ribbon.

For a brief shining moment there, I thought Jeffrey was gonna go.

Oh, the humanity.