In lieu of anything remotely original…

Fauve (who is supposed to have this little accenty thing above her name, but I can’t do it), tagged me for the 5 Things You Don’t Know about Me Meme.

I’ve had this one before, but since I can thnk of 5 MORE things you don’t know about me, I’m gonna do it again.

Also, we (and by we, I mean the entire internet) need some new memes. Maybe we could have a ‘Who’s your favorite Beatle and why?’ meme. Or something equally timely and topical.

Anyway, here goes:

1) I woke up with a swollen tongue the other morning. Despite being able to do a dead on imitation of Shirley Temple, it still wasn’t the most pleasant experience of my life. And to those who laughed as I lisped: Bite me.

2) I’m tall. Not Kareem Abdul Jabar tall, but certainly taller than average. One time, when I was lying across the foot of my (short) mother’s bed while we listened to the radio, Randy Newman’s Short People started playing. My mother literally kicked me off the bed (with her stubby little feet) when I started snickering and snorting at the song. In my experience, short people are mean and kind of sensitive.

3) I’m originally from Iowa. Which I may have mentioned before. My dad was from Iowa and my mom from Louisiana. So we went back and forth from one extreme to the other. My mother called us her little Crispix (half corn, half rice) and we all talk funny. We don’t fit in anywhere. And we didn’t even get that pleasing non-accent thing. We just sound fucked up. Ex: ‘Hey, y’all, who wants a pop?

4) I am currently reading On The Road by Jack Kerouac. Not because I care about the Beat Generation (I think everyone should just get a job and quit bitching already), but because I perceive it as being part of the college experience and since I didn’t go to college, I want to make sure I’m not missing out on anything. It’s actually a pretty good read. I expect to start wearing a beret and smoking cheroots just any old time now. Also, I’ll be taking up the LSD soon. I’m pretty sure you haven’t lived until you’ve had a bad trip.

5) I’ll be giving notice at my job this week because I’ll be opening my own place (with a couple friends). Which is much bigger news than that one little sentence can convey and the main reason I haven’t been posting much.

To those who worry that this will keep us from moving to New Hampshire (Mrs. Chili and PatK, I’m looking at you here), trust me. We’re coming. But it will be nice to be happy at work in the meantime.

So, tell me something I don’t know about you.

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Fortunate

We had Chinese food Sunday, because, well, because it was Sunday, to be perfectly frank. As everyone knows, we are kind of really immature and one of the ways in which that manifests is that we add the words ‘in bed’ to the end of our fortunes when we partake of the Chinese quisine.

Pookie’s fortune: A lifetime of happiness lies ahead of youin bed

My fortune: As soon as you feel too old to do a thing,do itin bed

I think these may be the most accurate fortunes we’ve ever had. We’re already too old to do most of the shit we do in bed, but we’re happy as hell.

Ok, now that I’ve gorked more than a few of you out (sorry, people related to us!), I have yet another video for you. Jo sent this one to me and I watched it several times.

Presenting: Fluffy the Kung Fu Bunny

What The Fuck?

  This video is both hilarious and bizarre, which is one of my favorite combinations.   It’s better than ‘sad and vicious’ but not as good as ‘sexy and chocolate-y’.

HallMark Holiday, my shiny white butt

It’s Valentine’s Day. Break out your cynicism and pessimism and all your other isms.   Just keep them to yourselves.

See, it’s not just Valentine’s Day over here at Casa Contrary, it’s Pookie’s and my anniversary as well.

Before we were married, Valentine’s Day was primarily the day I found myself helping to write out classroom valentines at 6 in the morning and saying really bad words to myself (or out loud. Whatever)

Pookie brings the romance, let me tell you.   I remember the first time he charmed (and therefore romanced) me. He brought me a copy of National Geographic because it had a huge article  about the evolution of the dog.    Now, this might not seem so romantic to you, but it was to me.  It was the perfect little courting gift.  He contines to do this kind of thing to this day.   He’s not much for sending flowers (but he does), but he’s awesome at finding the perfect little gift and often does for no reason other than that he knew I’d like it.

One time, when we were dating, he decided that my door locks sucked  (they did) and that they needed changing (they did).  He drove 80 miles, replaced my locks, took a nap in a chair and then drove home (80 miles) to go to work.    Yeah, it was a practical thing to do and it certainly needed doing, but it was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.

We were actually going to be married in June and realized there was no way we wanted to live apart that much longer and made the decision to move things up in about 5 minutes during an IM conversation.  It went like this:

One or the other of us: Dude. Seriously. I cannot wait till June to jump your bones on a daily basis.  What do you say we move up the wedding, say, 4 months? To Valentine’s Day?

The other one or the other of us:  Dude. That’s an awesome idea.  You’re smart AND good lookin’.   I sure am glad I’m marrying you!

That was pretty much verbatim, except that Pookie wouldn’t say ‘dude’ if he was getting paid to do so.

Happy Anniversay/Valentine’s Day, Honey.   I love you.   You light up my life, is what I’m saying here.

And now, for the audience participation part of our program, what is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done or someone has done for you?

Overheard in Texas

Me, last night, while watching the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show:  Oh my God. Look at that dog’s butthole! It’s huge.  A dog with a butthole that big has no business being on national television!

I’m both deeper and shallower that anyone could have imagined.

Once again, I take the easy way out with a video

Y’all, I don’t have a single interesting thing to say. Seriously. Just ask Pookie.

But I don’t want y’all to go away empty handed, so I have a video for you. If you don’t smile while watching this video, I will give you a cookie. That is my guarantee and I don’t give it lightly, if only because I love cookies and I don’t like sharing.