Better days

I found myself looking at the sky today. Frequently.

Five years ago today, I found myself looking at the sky. Frequently.

Then, it was because I was convinced that at any minute a plane was going to fall out of the sky. Never mind that at the time I lived in a medium sized city in Louisiana and all the attacks had been focused on landmarks in large cities.

September 11, 2001 was one of the worst days of my life. I didn’t know anyone killed in the attacks. I didn’t know anyone who knew anyone killed in the attacks. I was as removed as one could be, and yet I still felt it in my soul.

I have a bit of a reputation for being tough, and someone commented that they were shocked at how upset I was. I was taken aback at that, as what kind of person wouldn’t be shocked and horrified and devastated at the violence and the loss of life ?

I was also terrified.

To put it simply, I took it very personally.

So I spent the day scanning the skies, worrying and waiting.

Today, I was watching the skies because it was cloudy. I wasn’t scared of another attack. I was hoping for rain. But every time I raised my eyes skyward, I thought about all those people. Every time.

Then, it rained and cleared the mugginess from the air. It smells so sweet and green outside.

It’s a better day, today.

*************************************************************************

A new pic of my oldest son. Who I swear to God is getting better looking every day. Also, he’s really buff (I put that in for him).

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9 Responses to “Better days”

  1. Fish Says:

    I lived near the airport then, and the thing I remember is the silence. Usually we had planes overhead every ten minutes or so, and for four days, I’d sit and look at the sky and see and hear nothing, and know how everything had changed.

  2. Pookie Says:

    Five years ago, quite appropriately, I was on the firing range for annual requalification.

    Our big boss came down and interrupted to tell us the news. Both towers had already been hit, and one had collapsed at that point. He gave us the choice to continue on the range, or report back to the main facility where we could catch the TV news.

    I said, “We’re at war. Let’s shoot.” And so we did. Everyone seemed to take it more seriously than usual. Everyone qualified easily, then we reported back to join our colleagues in alert status, putting up special security measures.

    I took the first chance to call Contrary, because we were dating then and had just started getting really serious.

    It was hard to turn away from the news, but I made myself do so. After the first few hours, I left the TV off except for about an hour a day.

    No one will ever forget that day.

    Kevin

  3. Jo Says:

    I was the circulating nurse in a surgery… foot surgery… I recall the scrub tech, the surgeon and the anesthesia provider… and they kept sending me back to the nurse lounge to see what had happened next. I was the only one who could come and go from the room. I remember the surreal feeling as it all unfolded and the complete disbelief as I walked in the lounge to see the first tower fall, then the second. As I went back to report this to the Surgeon… I was at a loss for words. He kept saying, “Jo, what’s happening now?” It hurt so deeply to see it all. I knew no one in New York. But you’re right Contrary.. it IS personal.

    I also remember looking at our patient asleep and thinking how surprised she’d be when she woke up and her family told her that America was assaulted while her surgery was taking place.

    I remember the realization that our country was under attack when the Pentagon was hit. An hour later they reported the President was at Barksdale AFB (a few miles from the hospital). I prayed for his safety (and selfishly.. his speedy departure from the AFB so close to where my Mom & sons were)

    Firemen & Policemen performing their duties.. desperately, and knowingly fighting a losing battle to save lives.. only to lose their own.

    Yep. It’s all personal.

    It hurts now. I can’t watch the shows. I can’t. I still cry. It still feels like that day. I’m not in denial.. I just don’t need “a good cry”, so I don’t watch the coverage of it all five years later. AND I’m not a softy. It just STILL feels like a 2X4 blow to the chest. Even typing about it now.

    Damn it.. I’ve advoided this topic all damn day. And couldn’t this time. Your fault COntrar’.

    jo

  4. buffi Says:

    I think I may have to post about being where we were on 9/11 and how I am just now realizing some of the effects it has had on my life.

    Today, though, I have my 2,996 post up and I don’t want anything to take away from honoring Carlos Samaniego.

    PS Your boy is turning into quite a hottie! Look out mom!

  5. Andy Says:

    I was in… 5th Grade? I didn’t really get the full impact of what I was seeing at the time, but I do remember staying home from school to watch it. I’m glad I was late enough for school that I heard about it and stayed home, and I’m glad I didn’t really “get it” and was thus able to watch the whole thing to remember it for later.

    I do remember Bush talking that night from the oval office, I think at that age seeing the all-powerful President of the United States visibly shaken drives it home more than the actual images.

    The whole thing was just surreal.

  6. Kvetch Says:

    I knew someone who died that day. So know you know someone who knew someone.

    It was personal – to all of us. It could have been any of us.

  7. pmatwork Says:

    I had taken my husband to the eye doctor Take morning,saw every thing on the tv in the waiting room.I know I was shaken and waiting for the other shoe to drop, and then it did ,The Penagon,and then plane in the field.I was very conserned about getting back to the shop,I had left Contrary there by herself.The ride back to the shop was so quiet..no planes, and my husband and I couldn’t even say a word.. What could you say?Just a constant prayer for all.Yes,It was personal,very personal.

  8. raggedyandy Says:

    i had gotten dressed for work at Sears and had fallen asleep. i woke just when the seciond one hit. i muttered a lot of things on my way to work. i along with every other salesman in the area, watched it on the tv without regards to the customers. then some asshat(not ken) called in a fake bomb threat somewhere and they made us empty both stores in the area. the store i worked at has three stories and a cooling tower. along with 3 managers i searched all levels. we ended up in the basement of the auto center. think being in a concrete block room with about 30 females and 15 males and the amount of chatter that will bounce off the walls. that and the stench of tires was seriously overwhelming. i now have a set rule about not working on 9-11 no matter the year.

  9. Anonymous Says:

    I was at school, our teacher burst in crying, at the time it seemed so surreal i didnt comprehend it, all i really recall is me and all my friends talking about how we should *nuke the bastards*. I didnt realize how historic the tragedy was, even as i watched it all live, and the 1st went down, followed by the second, it wasnt until qiute a time later that i realized how horrific it was, i wont lie, it was a deciding factor in me signing up, but not the only one. The very idea that we had no chance to stop as they took over a civilian plane and crashed into thousands of US Citizens without anyone to stop him, it bothered me, and i hoped that the time i decided to give to the army would help, i havent been to war, but i know every day i do my job it helps our efforts, i dont doubt that all.

    Nate, Love everyone.


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