My small breasts and I

No, I’m not going to discuss my boobs (but for the record, they’re magnificent).

The title of this post is also the title of a BBC series concerning small breasted women and What They Are Doing About It.

One is learning to love herself and her body.

One had a breast enhancement.

And one stuck huge pumps on her boobs and kept them there for 11 hours a day. She couldn’t sleep on her side with them on, she (apparently) couldn’t have sex with them on, she really couldn’t do anything except lie there and not move in case she messed up the suction and had to reposition. Oh, also, she would occasionally wake up to suck (by mouth) some of the air out of the cups so as to increase the vacuum pressure.

All that and there was no guarantee that she would end up with any increase in size. In fact, there is anecdotal evidence to suggest that she will, in fact, not gain any permanent increase.

Basically, her boobs spend the night getting traumatized. She wakes up to bigger boobs. The boobs shrink back down to her original size through the course of the day.

Now, I admit, I have no idea what all a small breasted woman goes through. I’m sure it’s no bed of roses.

But, does this seem reasonable?

Why does she want bigger breasts? Is it so her clothes fit better? There are plenty of bra inserts that would accomplish that task, and would be, if not cushy, at least more comfortable than getting an 11 hour full boob hickey every night.

If she wants bigger breasts so as to appear sexier to her mate, well, what’s the point? By the time they’re both home in the evening, she has to put her pumps on and he can’t go near ’em. Also, I’m pretty sure she’d lose her shit and kick his ass if he even looked at the poor things too hard.

I feel bad for this girl. She’s a gorgeous girl, with a gorgeous body and she spends almost literally half of every day in a completely futile attempt to make herself feel better and it’s having a serious impact on an otherwise happy life.

I feel worse for her husband. All the shit he has to put up with (because, on top of everything else, it makes her moody. That’s like ice cream on top of pie, right there) could drive a man to drink. Sulphuric acid.


Today’s video is courtesy of Organic Woman. Celtic Woman performing Carol of the Bells:


11 Responses to “My small breasts and I”

  1. Pookie Says:

    Does anyone seriously need subtitles for “Ding, dong, ding, dong”? I can just see the karaoke-challenged: “Ding, dong, ding, ding… oh, shit! Wait, wait, wait… can we start over? Is it okay if I start over?”

    Being 99-44/100ths percent Scot (give or take a Cherokee or German or Assenach here and there), I’m getting a bit tired of the whole pseudo-Celtic schtick. Yeah, I watched Riverdance over and over. Yes, I have allergies when watching “(Her Majesty) Mrs. Brown”. But c’mon: a fiddle and a bit of prancing does not magically make a Ukrainian song “Celtic”.

    Oh, and ladies, speaking on behalf of the male race, I would like to assure you: we all have our preferences when it comes to boobs, but in the end, we don’t care. They’re all the right size. And even if they’re missing altogether, we appreciate the rest of you enough to make up for it.

  2. mrschili Says:

    Don’t women start lactating under those conditions? What about society makes her think that putting herself through this is worth it? I don’t get it.

  3. Lloyd Says:

    I’ve never met a breast I didn’t like. Its most important that they ‘come to the party’ if you know what I mean.
    Although natural large breasts are interesting, particularly during the couple of weeks in a woman’s life when they are, actually, holding themselves up, I prefer smaller breasts for the long run.
    When women complain about their, alleged, lack of endowment, I point out that at least they won’t be picking them up off the floor when they are in their 50’s.
    More than a handful is wasted. Hell, more than a mouthful is wasted!
    ’nuff said.

  4. Dan Says:

    BBC – Bigger Boobs Commission.

  5. Emily Says:

    I always wanted smaller breasts. Then I breastfed two boys and got empty flat things that hang around where my breasts used to be.

  6. Organic Mama Says:

    My daughter (who is twelve and growing her own set) commented on my relative lack of endowment. I responded with a smile, “I nursed them away.” She responded, “Oh, it’s MY fault, is it?” We had a laugh.
    That said, I do remember feeling inadequately supplied with boobage, how I really wanted to have my little friends uh, augmented, but I am so glad I didn’t. Gravity does NOT work against me.
    Thanks for posting that video and also the brain worm. I love that tune (lyrics aside) and just looked up its Ukrainian spring song origins. So cool. And so bouncing around in my skull.

  7. Kizz Says:

    I have small breasts, always have. I wear padded bras now because I have big hips and I hated the disproportionality in clothing. I was lucky enough to have early boyfriends who subscribed to Lloyd’s philosophy so I took it as my own. They’re fine. They’re sagging a tiny but but they still work. I would never subject them to 11 hours a day of torture.

  8. Mandy Lou Says:

    There has to be a better way! Being a well proportioned gal myself I don’t really know about the need to make them bigger, but seriously a pump! It’s so Austin Powers…

  9. Pat K Says:

    If she keeps it up their
    gonna put her in the Boobie Hatch!

  10. AndyThePug Says:

    Dancing around like that while playing a violin is certainly impressive- but the plastered-on smile is a bit much. You’re supposed to smile when you sing (some songs)- smiling while you’re playing the violin just looks weird. I agree there’s not a whole lot “Celtic” about these girls. Particularly the blond.

    Also, is it wrong that I only know this song from that commercial for the car nav system?

  11. Jamie Saunders Says:

    I definitely agree on learning to love yourself and your body. Small breasts is not an issue nor a disease to be cured! Small breasts isn’t a disease and breast augmentation is not the cure, bras are the answer for that. There are A, AA, AAA bra sizes being sold in the market. I don’t know why the medical board insinuate that having small breasts is a disease and the only cure for it having breast augmentation. Wtf?!? Accept who you are, this way, you can let everybody else love who you really are.

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