The Official Mother’s Day Post of the 2008 Olympics

First off, I have a fully functioning computer again.  Not the laptop (pray for my baby, y’all), but Pookie has this old desktop up and running very well.   He gave me back my Youtube, which I’d been jonesing for ever since Neil Diamond was the mentor on American Idol.

Y’all might recall that I have had a crush on Mr. Diamond for quite some time.  I may even have referred to him as being ‘elderly hott’.   I continue to feel that way.   I continue to be mostly unashamed of that fact.

ANYWAY.

Saturday is my oldest’s birthday.  Nate will be 21, which since he’s a soldier, means he will now be able to legally drink all the alcohol he was gonna drink anyway.  Y’all feel free to give him a little shout-out,since he has no minutes on his go-phone, apparently, and I won’t be able to talk to him and there’s a chance that his birthday card won’t get there in time.

Also, Pookie’s birthday is on Monday.  He will be 45, which is pretty much the perfect age for a man to be.  Happy Birthday, Pookie!  I won’t spoil the surprise, but your presents will be sex and meatloaf (not necessarily in that order) (but maybe).

On to Mother’s Day:

I thought I’d share a couple of my favorite memories of my mother, and I thought if anyone else felt like it, they could share their memories.  Of their mother.  Share their memories of their mother.  Not my mother.   Unless it’s one of my brothers, in which case their mother is my mother.

Ok, this first one I might have already told y’all, but I’m gonna tell it again.   My mother and I were in her room. She was sitting on the bed and I was lying across the end of it.  The radio was on and she was reading a book while I half listened to the radio and half daydreamed.

Randy Newman’s Short People Ain’t Got No Reason To Live (click link for video) came on and after a few seconds I started giggling.  I was about 10 at the time and was a little taller than my mother.  I had gotten great entertainment out of being taller than her and this song always tickled me.

So I’m giggling and it’s getting harder to pretend I’m not.  Soon enough I was laughing my smart little ass off and my mother, who had been trying to maintain her dignity, gave up and kicked me off the bed.  Literally.  With her foot.  Off the bed.

Apparently short people have freakishly strong legs and feet.

Anyway, the reason it’s one of my favorites is the look on my mother’s face when she booted me and I hit the floor.  Half shocked, half pleased.  Then she started laughing too.

I ended up reaching a height of 5’10”, to her 5’3” and I made sure I was always out of kicking distance when that song came on, because there was no way I’d be able to keep from laughing.

My other favorite memory of my mother is a little strange because she was FURIOUS with me at the time and would gladly have kicked me again, only this time with steel toe boots, if she’d been able to catch me.

This story takes place when all my mother’s children were grown folks, for the record.

Me and two of my brothers had managed to piss her off very, very badly.  I don’t remember how, but the reason isn’t important.  My mother was…fiery, I guess you could say.  It didn’t take much to piss her off.   It also didn’t take much to make her cry.  So more passionate than fiery, I suppose.

Anyway, she was angry and we, like Matt Lauer, were being very flippant about it.   We thought the tiny screaming woman was hilarious, frankly.    She finally picked up the candelabra off the piano (really.) and took to chasing us around the house with it.

Seriously.

So she chased and we ran.  We had to stop and catch our breath several times as it is really exhausting to run and laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed in your life at the same time.   Of course, stopping to catch our breath allowed her to catch up with us, so she’d be right up on us, we’d be giggling and panting, we’d spot her and scream and take off again.

It was awesome.

And eventually, the humor of it all filtered into her rage filled brain and she finally stopped trying to kill us all dead.

The moral of these stories is that if you could get my mother laughing, it was all gonna be just fine.

This was a strategy we employed quite a bit as children, by the way.  We managed to talk her out of many asswhippings using this method.  Thank God she was an easy laugher and not real inclined to beat her children.  As a result, I personally, got 85% less asswhippings than I deserved.

So, what’s your favorite memory of your Mom?

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9 Responses to “The Official Mother’s Day Post of the 2008 Olympics”

  1. Sarah...your kid Says:

    First off, how long must you torment me? Sex and Meatloaf…Honestly woman, DOES IT NEVER STOP!!!??? It’s no fair…LIP GLOSS!!!!

    Also, Happy Birthday, Nate and Kevin. Nate, get your phone in order so you can call Mom. Kevin, have a GREAT day at work!

    And now, for my Mother’s Day memory. It might actually be my moms birthday, I can’t be entirely sure, but it was quite the splendid day. I remember it was a Sunday because I thought “Church or chores?” I picked chores because it seemed the lesser of two evils. So anyways, when I arrived home, I found my mother sleeping on the couch and I went into the kitchen, started a pot of coffee and then took her a cup. Cause thats how I roll…So OK, we ended up just sitting in her bed watching TV and chillaxin. There wasn’t any giggling or tickling. Just some mommy-daughter cuddling that I would like to do again soon. Because I love my mom. Because she’s MY MOM!Mine….lip gloss…

    I love you, Mom. And not because I have to, but because I honestly do. We’ve been through some ups and downs in our lives and always came out together. I’m proud that I’m your daughter. And, knowing what I know now, and if I was given the choice, I would still choose your vag over any other. Have a good day!

    P.S. I managed all that without cussing once. Don’t even try to count “vag” as cussing. I mean it, lady…I know where you live….

  2. Andy(the little bro) Says:

    ok, sarah you just grew up more than i am comfortable with in one sentence.

  3. jo baby Says:

    Well.. contrary was there.. for my “moment”. I was in a bad marriage… had hidden it well. There came a time to tell my mom i was leaving him. Very hard for me. I told her I have to have a good lawyer, his family has money to fight me. So, Contrary and i took her to dinner and i I musterered the courage and told her. (you see.. in her eyes i am perfection… thus my husband was my proxy) I told her about the abuse over the years. Explained how I didn’t participate in many family activities because I wasn’t allowed. I told all. And without hesitation, my Mom offered me all the money she had. It happened to be enough to pay for a good lawyer and get me financially started on my own as things sort out. She only wanted me safe with and to get a lawyer so i could fight for my baby. She threw me a life preserver when i was drowning in worry, uncertainty and fear. THAT is a mother’s love… THAT is sacrifice.. THAT is my Mom.

    For this mother’s day.. i made her a cd. I scanned her pictures of her growing up… her with family (contrary.. i include the one of her with nate in uniform), friends, etc… and ended it with about 20 silly pictures of her. Also I’m taking her to lunch and on a shopping spree. AS I planned her mother’s day.. I thought about that day over 7 years ago. And how i can never repay her for what she did for me that day. AND i’m not talking about money… i’m talking about the gift of “hope”.

    Happy mother’s day to all you muthas.

  4. mrschili Says:

    I had a shitty mother. No, really; I’ve not seen her in about a decade and it’s been the best ten years of my life.

    I was adopted at 14, though, by the woman I call Mom, and she totally rocks. I think my favorite memory of her was when she took me aside (I was dating her son, with whom I’m still close – that’s how I got into the family) and told me, after I was just about drop-jawed by how she dealt with something that her son did that pissed her off, and explained to me that not EVERY family was as fucked up as mine. I was not living a normal existence, she told me, and further, NONE of it was my fault. She saved me that day.

  5. grandma Patsy Says:

    My Mother was someone everyone came to for advice or just for a caring ear.She really wanted only the best for me(does’t every Mother).She sent me to charm school, modeling school, and swim classes, so I could be a charming model that could swim.So.. When that didn’t work,I can swim,she drove my horse and me to horse shows and rodeos all over Louisiana, sewed my show outfits and prayed I would at least be a charming,model horse women.That worked to some extent.. But anyway she was there for me, beside me and cheering me on in every thing . I hope I have been at least half the Mom she was and my kids can say I was there for them..
    Happy Birthday Nate!! Love you
    Happy Birthday Pooky I love you like a mamma,and I thank you for being you.

  6. Pookie Says:

    Contrary deserves all the praise she can get. She’s a really wonderful mother. She also gets to enjoy a son and a husband who were both born on Mother’s Day, so we have birthdays bracketing Mother’s Day (happy birthday today, Bubba!)

    One of the funniest memories of my mother is one that you really have to know her to understand. She’s the stereotypical sweet little Southern, Christian lady, who couldn’t say **it if she had a mouth full of it.

    A neighbor’s dog jumped on our little mutt one time, and it was quite the dogfight. I was about 12, and trying to break them up with a broom. I finally got a good lick in, and sent the neighbor dog off with a good kick. Mom stepped off the back porch and yelled “YOU BETTER KEEP THAT DAMN DOG HOME!”

    I stopped. Both dogs stopped. The three of us froze, staring in disbelief: “She said what?

    That remains the only four-letter word I’ve ever heard her utter in my 45 years.

  7. Joel Says:

    I want to wish my sister a very happy mothers day! I love you, have a nice day, be careful!

    Joel

  8. Pat K Says:

    Happy Mom’s day to all you Moms.

    Happy birthday to Kevin and Nate.

  9. The Son Says:

    Hmmm best mothers day memory, well i have a horrible memory, so ill just throw out a random story, there was this day where she was like the best mom ever and completely perfect, wait…that was everyday, Im sorry i cant think of a story mom, but i love you and i know that your love and caring for both me and sarah were what allowed us both to become what we are today, happy mothers today, and i wish you all the happiness in the world.

    Also, happy birthday kevin.


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