Edited to add: Apparently its Delurking Day. Which means y’all are supposed to stop lurking for one day and leave a comment. I would suggest you leave your comments succinct as possible to keep it relatively painless for you. Something like, ‘Bite me’ or ‘Leave Britney alone!’.
And now back to your regularly scheduled programming:
Pooter: Hey, Mom. Did you know that you and Dad aren’t my real parents?
Me (mental audio recording begun): Oh, really?
Me (feeling as though perhaps he should elaborate just a smidge): Um. Well, who are your real parents?
P: Uh. Well. My Mom’s name is Sprayer. (eyeing plant spray bottle just over my left shoulder)
Me: I see. And what is your real father’s name?
P: His name is Raisin Bran. (also, in a huge coincidence, his favorite cereal, which is sitting in top of the fridge)
Me: Well. Do you have any real brothers or sisters?
P: Yes! My brother’s name is Army and my sister’s name is Cup.
Me: Where does your real family live?
P: Oh, we live in Texas. We have a brown house. It’s nice.
Me: Oh, what’s your address?
P: (says our address)
Me: That sounds so familar.
He also has a whole other dog named Lily at his other house, who apparently looks and acts just like our dog named Lily.
I was tempted to ask if old Sprayer was prettier than me, but I figured that would just be setting myself up for a fall.
For some reason, after having largely ignored American Idol for all these years I started watching last season’s re-runs about halfway through. (Could someone please explain to me why Melinda Dolittle didn’t win? Don’t get me wrong. I loves me some Jordin, but Melinda is just a force of nature. The most humble, polite force of nature ever.)
Now I am absolutely slavering for the new season.
Oh, and except for his moobies, I think Simon Cowell is hot.