I wish Mr. and Mrs. Bran would start paying child support already

Edited to add:  Apparently its Delurking Day.  Which means y’all are supposed to stop lurking for one day and leave a comment.  I would suggest you leave your comments succinct as possible to keep it relatively painless for you.  Something like, ‘Bite me’ or ‘Leave Britney alone!’.

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And now back to your regularly scheduled programming:

Pooter: Hey, Mom. Did you know that you and Dad aren’t my real parents?

Me (mental audio recording begun): Oh, really?

P: Yep.

Me (feeling as though perhaps he should elaborate just a smidge): Um. Well, who are your real parents?

P: Uh. Well. My Mom’s name is Sprayer. (eyeing plant spray bottle just over my left shoulder)

Me: I see. And what is your real father’s name?

P: His name is Raisin Bran. (also, in a huge coincidence, his favorite cereal, which is sitting in top of the fridge)

Me: Well. Do you have any real brothers or sisters?

P: Yes! My brother’s name is Army and my sister’s name is Cup.

Me: Where does your real family live?

P: Oh, we live in Texas. We have a brown house. It’s nice.

Me: Oh, what’s your address?

P: (says our address)

Me: That sounds so familar.

He also has a whole other dog named Lily at his other house, who apparently looks and acts just like our dog named Lily.

I was tempted to ask if old Sprayer was prettier than me, but I figured that would just be setting myself up for a fall.

*****

For some reason, after having largely ignored American Idol for all these years I started watching last season’s re-runs about halfway through. (Could someone please explain to me why Melinda Dolittle didn’t win? Don’t get me wrong. I loves me some Jordin, but Melinda is just a force of nature. The most humble, polite force of nature ever.)

Now I am absolutely slavering for the new season.

Oh, and except for his moobies, I think Simon Cowell is hot.

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9 Responses to “I wish Mr. and Mrs. Bran would start paying child support already”

  1. Dan Says:

    To watch American Idol is bad enough, but to watch it on re-run is just despicable.

    Now if you’ll excuse me I’m just going to watch some re-runs of fear factor.

  2. lloyd Says:

    Get the kid some professional help:)

  3. Organic Mama Says:

    When it comes for material for a novel, you’re getting spadefuls.
    I watch Dr. Who reruns on youtube. I have no shame.

  4. Fran Says:

    My son does that. Apparently, his 2 best friends and their 3 dogs live with us. When he told me one of the dogs was named Puke, I told him the dogs had to stay out on the patio or backyard with our 3 dogs. I’m not real sure about these 2 boys, though. Either they’re old enough to have jobs, smoke, have multiple vehicles, & girlfriends, or they need some serious spankings. One of these days I’m gonna ask them to pony up the rent money.

  5. mrschili Says:

    What the hell’s a moobie? And why didn’t anyone tell me about De-Lurking Day?! I’m totally breaking the rules and declaring that tomorrow is de-lurking day for MY blogs, because, you know, it’s all about me…

  6. Chris Says:

    Happy (day after) Delurking Day.

  7. Pookie Says:

    Every time I delurk at Contrary, she shrieks and calls me a pervert.

    I’m not sure what her point is.

  8. Emily Says:

    I am here (but a few days late).

  9. fauve Says:

    I visited before you added the delurking thing…
    so hi!

    (i’m horrible at commenting, i know)


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