I wish Mr. and Mrs. Bran would start paying child support already

Edited to add:  Apparently its Delurking Day.  Which means y’all are supposed to stop lurking for one day and leave a comment.  I would suggest you leave your comments succinct as possible to keep it relatively painless for you.  Something like, ‘Bite me’ or ‘Leave Britney alone!’.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming:

Pooter: Hey, Mom. Did you know that you and Dad aren’t my real parents?

Me (mental audio recording begun): Oh, really?

P: Yep.

Me (feeling as though perhaps he should elaborate just a smidge): Um. Well, who are your real parents?

P: Uh. Well. My Mom’s name is Sprayer. (eyeing plant spray bottle just over my left shoulder)

Me: I see. And what is your real father’s name?

P: His name is Raisin Bran. (also, in a huge coincidence, his favorite cereal, which is sitting in top of the fridge)

Me: Well. Do you have any real brothers or sisters?

P: Yes! My brother’s name is Army and my sister’s name is Cup.

Me: Where does your real family live?

P: Oh, we live in Texas. We have a brown house. It’s nice.

Me: Oh, what’s your address?

P: (says our address)

Me: That sounds so familar.

He also has a whole other dog named Lily at his other house, who apparently looks and acts just like our dog named Lily.

I was tempted to ask if old Sprayer was prettier than me, but I figured that would just be setting myself up for a fall.


For some reason, after having largely ignored American Idol for all these years I started watching last season’s re-runs about halfway through. (Could someone please explain to me why Melinda Dolittle didn’t win? Don’t get me wrong. I loves me some Jordin, but Melinda is just a force of nature. The most humble, polite force of nature ever.)

Now I am absolutely slavering for the new season.

Oh, and except for his moobies, I think Simon Cowell is hot.

9 Responses to “I wish Mr. and Mrs. Bran would start paying child support already”

  1. Dan Says:

    To watch American Idol is bad enough, but to watch it on re-run is just despicable.

    Now if you’ll excuse me I’m just going to watch some re-runs of fear factor.

  2. lloyd Says:

    Get the kid some professional help:)

  3. Organic Mama Says:

    When it comes for material for a novel, you’re getting spadefuls.
    I watch Dr. Who reruns on youtube. I have no shame.

  4. Fran Says:

    My son does that. Apparently, his 2 best friends and their 3 dogs live with us. When he told me one of the dogs was named Puke, I told him the dogs had to stay out on the patio or backyard with our 3 dogs. I’m not real sure about these 2 boys, though. Either they’re old enough to have jobs, smoke, have multiple vehicles, & girlfriends, or they need some serious spankings. One of these days I’m gonna ask them to pony up the rent money.

  5. mrschili Says:

    What the hell’s a moobie? And why didn’t anyone tell me about De-Lurking Day?! I’m totally breaking the rules and declaring that tomorrow is de-lurking day for MY blogs, because, you know, it’s all about me…

  6. Chris Says:

    Happy (day after) Delurking Day.

  7. Pookie Says:

    Every time I delurk at Contrary, she shrieks and calls me a pervert.

    I’m not sure what her point is.

  8. Emily Says:

    I am here (but a few days late).

  9. fauve Says:

    I visited before you added the delurking thing…
    so hi!

    (i’m horrible at commenting, i know)

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