Baby Girl and I were watching Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader this evening. I am very sorry to report to you that I, in fact, am not smarter than a fifth grader.
However, I was much smarter than the apparently learning disabled guy who was playing. Sure, he has a 3.3 GPA at UCSB and he did respectably on his SATs, but I think maybe he has, like, a secret genius dog who takes his tests for him. Because he was not smart.
One of the questions was, “How many times does the letter ‘S’ appear in the word ‘Surprise’?”.
He had to ponder that one a while. He even contemplated for a moment the idea of using one of his ‘cheats’.
Pooter knows how many times the letter S appears in the word surprise.
I’m just sending his little ass to college now. The sooner he graduates and starts bringing in the big bucks, the sooner his father and I can retire.
So BabyGirl and I are discussing what a dumbass this guy is and, well, then things went a little wonky somehow.
Her: But he has a 3.3 GPA.
Me: Yeah, but apparently that’s a real party school. Maybe the grading isn’t as tough as you might see elsewhere.
Her: Oooh, party school. Sign me up!
Me: Hey, every school is a party school. There is partying at every school. You might as well go to a school where you have a chance at learning stuff in between parties. Seriously, parties at every school. Well, except for BYU. They’re not a party school. I’m not sure what they do for fun, really. Maybe fit each other for long underwear and compare Rice Krispie treat recipes. Hey maybe they….
Her: Do men have areolas?
Her: Well, I was just wondering if men have areolas.
Me: Yes. Men have areolas. Never talk to me again. Hockey Puck.
I’ll tell you what really pisses me off though. It turns out, she IS smarter than a fifth grader. She blew me out of the water.
Maybe it’s one of those savant type situations.
Y’all don’t tell her I said that. She’s my nursing home finance backup, just in case Pooter rebels at the idea of being solely responsible for his elderly, incontinent, aphasic parents.
A comment from yesterday’s post:
Waw, It’s real amaze for some stupid insisting to be stupid for ever! Many people know that even a donkey “an ass hole “some times can be clever !! But un fortunatel a born stupidid can not by any sudden miracle recover !!! So please enjoy your self “stupid ” with no hope to be changed never !!! It’s a hopeless case, it has to give the stupid real cold and shiver !!!! but there is a simple solutin any stupid can do, just to wear in his head a slipper !!!!! ha go on
It’s ok if you didn’t make it all the way through that. I understand. I almost didn’t make it.
My favorite part: It’s a hopeless case, it has to give the stupid real cold and shiver!!!!
I don’t know what the hell it means, but I think it’s funny. I’m not sure why. Maybe there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.
Hey, maybe that’s what this comment was meant to convey. And maybe now, as a result, I know myself just a little bit better than I did before.
Dude, that’s, like, beautiful.
Ooh, wait, he (it?) just left another one. I think one of you guys pissed him (it?) off.
that was about a stupid site and more stupid posts that’s it, why do’nt you ask your selves what is he talking about and what are you commenting for ? rubbish ,nonesense that’s it , try to find more serious matters to argue about do’nt let a stupid leads you to a scrap .i guess now you realize what it was about. and by the way it looks a little bit like a poem, haha no one notice!!! i doubt it you all know what is poem !
WTF, Mate? “Do’nt let a stupid leads you to a scrap?
Ok, if we assume that I am a stupid , we must now assume I am leading you to a scrap. I’m just not sure if I’m leading you to a scrap of food or a scrap between the Jets and the Sharks. Either way, you mustn’t let me. Peer pressure is no joke, kids.
I do believe we have a troll, ladies and germs. Now, very often, you’ll find a blogger with the same trouble who takes the high road and asks everyone else to the same thing.
But I’m a bitch and I don’t believe in censorship, so since I’m not moderating Pencil Dick’s comments, you all should feel free to say whatever you would like to him, should he feel the need to come back and comment again.
So get out that list of filthy words and clever put downs that you’ve been saving up since your last family reunion, and have it at the ready.
Just don’t shoot until you see the whites of his eyes. Or the gray of his underwear. Whichever. Up to you, really.
John Denver and The Muppets sing 12 Days of Christmas. Because I couldn’t find the Shrek version, Kelly. And no, I didn’t look past the first page of results. Because the Muppets rule and once upon a time, John Denver would totally have made my list. I don’t even care if you guys give me shit for it. I’ll say it loud and say it proud, I always thought John Denver was hot. Even in Oh, God!.