I know (knew?) Don Rickles, and you, Sir, are no Don Rickles!

So far, two of you have made the connection between Pooter calling me ‘hockey puck’ and Don Rickles.  Here’s the thing. I don’t think he got it from Don Rickles.  Not that Don Rickles isn’t (wasn’t?) a funny old bastard, it’s just that Pooter doesn’t spend a lot of time watching vintage comedy routines.

His tastes really run more to the comic stylings of a Spongebob or  perhaps even a Suite Life with Zack and Cody.   It’s not at all subtle. Of course, I don’t mean to suggest that Don Rickles is (was?)  subtle. I think in the Subtle Olympics, he came in only ahead of Jerry lewis and Benny Hill.  But he’s a different kind of not subtle.    A snide, potty mouthed not subtle.

I always did like that old bastard.

Seriously, though. Is he dead yet?  Hey, maybe he’s alive and he spends all his time Googling himself to see if he’s still relevant and he’ll stumble upon this and leave me a comment inviting me to go fuck myself.  That would be awesome.   That would be so awesome that I’m not even gonna check to see if he’s alive or not, so the delicious possibility of a verbal (so to speak)…(no pun intended) bitch slap stays alive in my heart.

In fact, just in case some other celebrities are out there Googling themselves:

To Johnny Depp:  Three words, Dude.  Wash. Your. Hair.

To Brad Pitt:  Smug and pretty don’t mix well. You can’t do much about the pretty, so you might want to drop the smug.

To Bruce Willis:  I loved the latest Die Hard  movie.   You can just keep on keeping on.  Also, if Pookie and I had one of those lists (y’all know what list I’m talking about, right?), you’d be on it.   You’d even make it to the laminated version.  That’s how much I heart you and your fuzzy bald head.  Yum!

To Demi Moore: Dumbass.

To Heidi Klum: What is up with your shitty bangs?  Either trim ’em or sweep ’em to the side, because I spent the entire last episode of Project Runway blowing YOUR bangs out of MY eyes.

Anybody else have anything they’d like to say to any of these or other celebrities?   Snark away, for the internet is yours!

*****

Elvis Presley sings Here Comes Santa Claus:

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16 Responses to “I know (knew?) Don Rickles, and you, Sir, are no Don Rickles!”

  1. martin dell Says:

    Waw, It’s real amaze for some stupid insisting to be stupid for ever! Many people know that even a donkey “an ass hole “some times can be clever !! But un fortunatel a born stupidid can not by any sudden miracle recover !!! So please enjoy your self “stupid ” with no hope to be changed never !!! It’s a hopeless case, it has to give the stupid real cold and shiver !!!! but there is a simple solutin any stupid can do, just to wear in his head a slipper !!!!! ha go on

  2. magneto bold too Says:

    HUH????? What is this guy trying to say? Or did someone slip Mogadon in my drink again? Guys? Cmon it was funny the first time….. well maybe not….. but anyway, what the freak is Martin Dell on?

    Anyhoo. Hmmm celebrities. Well most of them, 2 words:

    EAT FOOD

    or perhaps

    WEAR UNDERWEAR

    or even

    SEND MONEY

    But Brad can bring his smug naked body to my place anytime my dear Contrary.

    And if we can get a time machine for before he liked his women looking like lollypops, I would like me some Harrison Ford.

  3. mrschili Says:

    I love the idea of writing to celebrities! And I did not know that Bruce Willis would make your list, but I can totally see why he would…

  4. Robin Says:

    I have a question for George Clooney….when will you come down south and rescue me? Dump your looser, much younger girlfriend for an older, more experienced woman? I have loved you for 20+ years, waiting patiently. It’s time damn it.

  5. Robin Says:

    oh, and Bruce if hott too!! Even with his flat ass. LOL

  6. Kizz Says:

    Dear Dean Winters/Denis Leary/Lee Tergesen/Joshua Jackson/James Marsters:

    I have a cold 6 pack and a hot pizza waiting at my house. See you there!

    Love,
    Kizz

  7. Dan Says:

    Bruce Willis very nearly makes my list too.

    Wait, should I be sharing that?

  8. Pat K Says:

    Mr. Rickles is alive.
    In fact he just wrote a book and was
    making the rounds on talk shows to
    promote it. He is 81 years old.

    As for celebrities=Dear Steven Segal, while you may be
    an Aikido master, YOU CAN NOT ACT,not a lick, drywall
    has more stage presence. please stop and tell that Van Dame guy
    to stop too.

  9. Mandy Lou Says:

    I had a great comment all planned, then I read the first comment and everything that makes sense was knocked out of my head! What was that about?

    But the list, I’m thinking Bruce may be getting to the age of old man butt – but I’d be happy to share George Clooney with Robin, but Daniel Craig is ALLLL MIIIINNNNEEEE.

  10. martin dell Says:

    that was about a stupid site and more stupid posts that’s it, why do’nt you ask your selves what is he talking about and what are you commenting for ? rubbish ,nonesense that’s it , try to find more serious matters to argue about do’nt let a stupid leads you to a scrap .i guess now you realize what it was about. and by the way it looks a little bit like a poem, haha no one notice!!! i doubt it you all know what is poem !

  11. bekah Says:

    I’d like to volunteer to wash Johnny’s hair.

    Oh, now I will not be concentrate on anything for the rest of the day because the image of Johnny all wet and soapy is running through my head.

  12. bekah Says:

    See what you did? I can’t even type properly because I’m all about the soapy Johnny. Of course I meant “I will not be ABLE to concentrate.” Geez. I’m starting to sound like that Martin Dell guy.

  13. Grandma Patsy Says:

    Dear Martin Dell
    Please use spell check and your grammer may need a bit brushing up.If your going to bash someones blog it comes of better if you can spell better than a six year old.
    As for hotties I am parcial to any male over 40!

  14. martin dell Says:

    You just tell me what’s exactly wrong dear grandma to correct my grammer for as you know i am only five years old , i am in desperate need for your help dear old patsy.and it’s obvious that you are one of the stupids i mean , ha,am i right ? be honest. i t’s misstyping you idiot be fair ,”please check this post ” thanks and keep on granny

  15. martin dell Says:

    Waw no body wants to give me a hand, Well I better go back to kindergarten ,I’m sorry guys , Reckon I missed my way getting in a scientific institute terribly busy searcing for who is hot and who is not among some dumb celebrities . Carry on bekah genius boy!!Hey do’nt forget to wash your head in-out, I recommend with no soab.

  16. Emily Says:

    To Bradley Whitford: You know how to get in touch with me, right?


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