Headlines

Man accused of swiping love dolls

“A man accused of stealing several blow-up dolls from an adult novelty store says the burglary was a “drunken, stupid thing.”

Hey, let he among you has not stolen a blow-up doll throw the first dart. I almost feel sorry for the dumbass. Almost.

Man allegedly leaves baby to rob store

First off, either this is a badly written headline, or I’m not nearly as good at reading comprehension as I thought I was. My honest first reaction to this headline was, ‘How was the baby supposed to rob a store?”.

What happened was that the very bad man left the three month old child home alone for 6 hours while he robbed a store. I don’t know if it took him the whole six hours to rob the place. I’m betting not, as a 6 hour ‘robbery’ could more accurately be referred to as a ‘hostage situation’.

All is well, the baby is fine, with the exception of some diaper rash. He’s with his grandmother now and Daddy is in jail.

A quote from the article, “…had left his three-month-old son at home to fend for himself…” .

Really? The man really left the three month old to fend for itself? Or did he just leave him home alone? Because I really doubt the man expected the baby to fend for itself. Maybe he thought the little guy could whip up some mac & cheese, run a warm bath and soak in the tub while reading Oprah’s latest book club selection. Or maybe that was just some sloppy writing.

42-foot tall inflatable snowman stolen

“Frosty is described as a white male, sporting a red hat and scarf, with a pipe in his mouth.”

Nobody stole Frosty. He escaped. Snowmen don’t do well in Tyler, Texas. I know, I live just down the road from there. He’s probably hopped a refrigerated rail car headed for New England. I just hope he doesn’t get ‘rolled’ by someone looking for some ‘cold’ cash.

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Today’s video is Aaron Neville singing Please Come Home for Christmas. I don’t know about y’all, but I could listen to that man sing the phone book.

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4 Responses to “Headlines”

  1. Emily Says:

    I suspect a 3 month old would be safer then a 3 year old, as long as no other children were around to fling things at it. Just a thought…

  2. Organic Mama Says:

    I am gonna use the first headline on my Grammar exam; ok, kids, DECIPHER and reword.
    I am glad that reprobate, stupid father that he is, is away from his child, without having caused lasting damage or bad memories. Geez.
    Also, Youtube has made that Aaron Neville video clip unavailable… : (

  3. Chris Says:

    Clearly we’re entering that nutty time of year.

  4. Michelle Says:

    “… sing the phonebook” WHERE do you come up with this stuff?? Gawd that’s funny. ;o)

    Got me thinking of whom exactly I could listen to singing the phone book … Paul Rodgers. Late of Bad Company, now Queen. Love that man’s voice.


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