Half a meme is better than none

I’m back, thanks to Pookie( he also brought me a bag of Dark Chocolate Mint Truffle Hershey’s Kisses. I heart him). I’m not here via borrowed internet access for the first time in about 3 days. I can type all slow and casual like instead of typing whatever I can think of for 5 minutes because who knows when the internet is going to go bye-bye now.

For those whom I might have offended with my opinion of Nicholas Cage’s acting skills, it will help if you keep in mind that if he can get in front of a camera, or even just other people, and not say something wildly inappropriate or profane, he’s already doing about 100% better than me.

Okay, it’s the last day of November, which means it’s also the very last day of NaBloPoMo. Yay! No more posting every day! It’s a party!

Except, yesterday I decided to join Holidailies and thus commit to posting every day for the month of December. I was really proud of Pookie and Baby Girl for taking the news well. Seriously, you’d think I have a deadline with the New York Times as fidgety and whiny as I get right before I post.

You’d think that attitude would result in every post being well thought out and well executed. You’d be wrong. Horribly, tragically wrong.

Anyway, here’s another meme for those of you looking for blog fodder. It’s a big sucker (69 questions. Coincidence? I think not), and I’m just a delicate little old thing, so I’m gonna have to take it in small spurts. (Dirty!)

1) Are you an Aunt/Uncle?

Uncle! Wait. No, I’m an aunt. It’s chicks that are aunts, right?

2) Can you do a cartwheel?

Does the pope shit in the woods? (I’m not mixing my metaphors here, the answer is ‘no fucking way’)

3) What was the last movie you saw in theaters?

We took Pooter to see Bee Movie for his Bee-day. I think I’m just too much of a WASP to get it.

4) Do you eat vegetables regularly?

Now that we’re over the scurvy, yeah, we tear up some lettuce and call it a salad fairly often.

5) If you were going to get a body piercing, where would you get it?

I actually quite want to get my nose pierced. I have Pookie’s full support in this matter. Now I just have to get over the bad case of the Chickenshits that I have regarding needles.

6) Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex?

I spend my days with a five year old boy. He kept asking me to take him to the doctor today because, and I quote, ‘I have no feeling in my legs!’. I almost took him to the ER purely for the entertainment value of this small boy refusing to acknowledge that he did indeed have feeling in his legs.

7) What is the weather like right at this very moment?

There are only two weather conditions I recognize: Snowing and Not Snowing. It is currently Not Snowing. The forecasters are calling for Not Snow for some time to come.

8 ) What is something you can’t wait for?

I can’t wait to pee. I’m not good at it and if I were you, I wouldn’t ask me to.

9) How many times have you been to Canada?

Never. I’ve tried, but I got caught at the border with maple syrup from Vermont and it was Rodney King all over again.

10) Have you ever had a reptile as a pet?

When Nate (my oldest kid) was in fifth grade, I let him get a snake on the condition that he kept his grades up. I never thought I’d be grateful to see a bad report card, but I felt like a monster every time I brought a rat home for that snake to eat. Yay for failing math!

11) What is your favorite fruit?

I’ve said this before, I think. The answer is Elton John.

12) What song is on your myspace profile right now?

None. I’m not very music-y. The automatic players on Myspace profiles just drive me up a fucking wall, if I can take a moment to sound like an old fogey. An old fogey with a potty mouth.

13) Who was your last missed call on your cell phone?

It was a number I didn’t recognize and they didn’t leave a message. Their loss. Bastards.

14) Where are you most ticklish?

The backs of my arms. Though, it’s not so much that I’m ticklish there as it’s I will cut you bad if you touch the back of my arms. It skeeves me out right proper.

15) How many hours a week do you normally work?

It depends on how you define work. If ‘sitting on your ass’ is classified as work, then I am a workaholic.
16) Who’s your number 1 on myspace?

My son, Nate. Who I’m actually quite pissed with right now since I haven’t heard from him since very early September, so you can tell I don’t really put anyone in any particular order, because he is SO not my favorite at the moment. My friends are listed in the order in which they became my friends. It’s very 2005, I know.

17) Do you have deep dark secrets?

Absolutely not. I’m an open book. A profanity laden paperback book with a broken spine.
18) When was the last time you were sick?

Last week when I had an ear infection and then I got the Herpes. It wasn’t a good week. (I’m trying to be all considerate of the guys by not mentioning that Aunt Flo also came for a visit. It REALLY wasn’t a good week)

19) What color is your car?

Razorback Red. Go Pig! Sooie!

20) How many siblings do you have?

My parents had 4 boys and me. When my Dad remarried, I got 2 step-brothers, 2 step sisters, a half brother and a half sister. It was just like the Brady Bunch, except that we all pretty much hated each other (although there was a little bit of creepy stepbrother-step sister action going on in the form of a couple of really moist kisses in the coat closet).

21) Have you ever gotten caught sneaking out?

I don’t think so. I remember being really good at it. And if I had got caught, I’m sure I could have come up with a story for my mother to explain why I was out. If you’ve been reading a few days, you know the woman was really gullible.

22) Did you ever try running away from home when you were younger?

I actually did run away from my father’s house in Iowa. I’ll have to tell that story one time.

23) What makes you the happiest?

Sex. Lots of sex. And Pie. Sex and pie.

24) How do you feel when you see a child at the store throwing a “Tantrum”?

I usually feel great empathy, because I done been there and done that and until they make it legal to follow through on threats to sell your kid to the gypsies, we’re going to keep seeing this kind of thing

25) Where do you want to be right now?

New Hampshire.

26) Have you ever finished a Rubik’s Cube?

I have no idea. I know I spent hours trying to, so I hope I managed it at least once, or else it was just a colossal waste of time.

27) When is the last time you drank too much?

Right now, baby. Show me your tits!
28) When was the last time you rode a bike?

A couple of years ago. I ended up with what I suspect was a sprained crotch.

29) Do you have any vacation plans for this summer?

We’re hoping to get back up to New Hampshire. Hopefully Mrs. Chili won’t flee the state again while we’re there and I’ll get to meet her. And hopefully some of those other crazy New Englanders who visit here.

30) Where were you 1 hour ago?

I was writing this post.

And now I’m done. Until tomorrow anyway.


5 Responses to “Half a meme is better than none”

  1. magneto bold too Says:

    That was hysterical. I really lurve you!

    And dark chocolate kisses!!!!!!!!!! OMG! I am coming over! They had kisses for a tiny while here in Oz and now I have to import the fucking things. Costs me a pair of shoes. Shoes or chocolate, I have to CHOOSE!!!!! It is so unfair.

    I wantz me some dark chocolate kisses……

  2. mrschili Says:

    “There are only two weather conditions I recognize: Snowing and Not Snowing. It is currently Not Snowing. The forecasters are calling for Not Snow for some time to come.”

    Yeah – that’ll change when you move up here.

    As long as you’re not planning to visit around the first week of June or the 13-19th of July, I’ll be here!

  3. Michelle Says:

    Have you tried the new dark chocolate Ferrero Rocher?? OMG!!! Addictive. mmmmm.

    Wanna talk piercings?! heh.

    Love your meme. Have I told you lately, that I think you’re very, very funny? Shame on me. You are.

  4. Pat K Says:

    Pierce your nose? WTF ?


  5. Kizz Says:

    Don’t sprain your crotch or it will ruin the perfect combination of SEX & PIE! By the way, now that you’ve mentioned it, THAT is all I want for Christmas, sex & pie. Yippee!

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