Got Penicillin?

Well, my ear is feeling marginally better but now I have the Herpes.

Ok, so it’s a fever blister (on my lower lip) and I won’t be appearing in any herpes medicine commercials telling the world how I have herpes and Pookie doesn’t and how we want to keep it that way. Does anyone else want to have a shower after they watch one of those?

But seriously, y’all, this sucker is huge. I was thinking about naming it. What do you think about the name Bumpy? I think it’s kinda catchy. And if this thing gets any bigger, I’m gonna be legally obligated to feed and clothe it, so it should have a name.

Luckily, I’m married to Pookie, who is The World’s Smartest Man (or at least The World’s Smarter Than Me Man) and he went and got me some Anbesol for Bumpy, so at least it doesn’t feel like my lip is going to fall off anymore. Sure, it’s still looks like it, but there’s not a whole lot I can do about that, except maybe keep one of those little geisha fans on hand at all times, and that’s not really practical.

I actually seriously thought about posting a picture for y’all, but let’s face it, it wouldn’t really be for y’all. It would be for me and my sick need to get attention for all my various boo-boos. I’m pretty sure I have Munchausen’s By Proxy. Except without that whole ‘by proxy’ thing.

Ok, so Munchausen’s would mean I was actually causing my boo-boos and except for when I shot myself in the head, there’s no way I can be held responsible for the crap that happens to me.

Remember when I came down with chicken pox last year? On the morning we were leaving New Hampshire to drive home? For three days? On leather seats? In summer? No way that’s my fault, right?

Likewise, I can’t possibly be held responsible for my latest rash of bad luck (pun totally intended).

I still think I have it in for myself, though.

On the bright side, the diminished hearing from the ear infection will probably come in handy when I’m shopping tomorrow and can’t hear the horrified gasps whenever someone sees Bumpy.

Hopefully tomorrow, I’ll have something else to talk about and this won’t turn into Herpes Watch 2007. Although, if it does, maybe I can make a herpes tracker with little graphs and shit. Maybe get some man on the street interviews or something.


5 Responses to “Got Penicillin?”

  1. Michelle Says:

    You might as well post the picture because a) we are never going to believe it’s that big unless we see it and b) you might be able to get some endorsement deals outta it. Make some money while you’re at it.

    I say you name it Herp. Could be a male or female name. And damn won’t that look good on the adoption papers?!

  2. magneto bold too Says:

    Run a competition like I did for the bunny. Gotta get some cool names for it then. Oh and make a button with a picture of it oozing for your peeps to put on their blog. I would so do it.

  3. mrschili Says:

    You have Bumpy BECAUSE you got chicken pox last year. I’m sorry..

    Since I get shingles fairly regularly, I’m totally taking your word on what Bumpy looks like. Post a picture, anyway, though. You know you want to…

  4. Hallie Says:

    I love your blog – very funny. I’ll be back!

  5. Pat K Says:

    I think you should name it Herbie the Love Bump.

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