Thank God I didn’t threaten to post a picture of his pecker

Karma has bitten me in the ass (literally) for threatening to post pictures of Pookie’s heinie if he got a shot at the doctor. Karma doesn’t care that Pookie didn’t actually get a shot and I didn’t actually post a picture of his needle riddled tush. No, Karma only cares that I thought it.

I now have a remote control shaped bruise on my ass. The remote was stuck in the cushion next to the arm and was standing almost straight up. And since I don’t come with one of those sensors that tells me when I’m about to back into something, I sat right on it.

Three cheers for the return of the painful, but ultimately harmless injury! I haven’t had one of those in forever.

Y’all, my ass hurts.

The toilet is no longer the most comfortable seat in the house. On the upside, it hurts too much to sit there and read for an hour (don’t act like you don’t do it) so I haven’t had to deal with the comedy that is having your legs go to sleep while sitting on the pot.

It’s a good thing I’m not a back sleeper, though. My broken ass will no doubt appreciate that.

 

Ok, now on to bigger things than my ass (Let’s see how long it takes for someone to tell me that there’s nothing bigger than my ass. At least two of my brothers read here, so I don’t expect it to take long):

A friend of mine who from time to time sends me products to review (someone remind me to actually DO those reviews sometime soon please), and information about fund raising efforts on the part of various companies has asked me to share something with y’all. I copied and pasted his e-mail because I’m a lazy bitch.

“Hi! Long time, no pitch. So check this out. We are working with the Ferrero Company, one of the world’s largest confectionery companies – you may recognize them as the company that makes the little chocolates in the gold wrapper. I have three things to tell you about: a product, a Web site and an event.

First, the chocolate: the latest creation, Ferrero Rondnoir dark chocolates, features a dark chocolate cream surrounding a crisp wafer and topped with crunchy dark chocolate morsels. It’s the first dark chocolate product from the company. We would be happy to send you a sample to try (Um. Yes, Please!). More at www.ferrerochocolateusa.com

Second, the Web site. As part of its partnership with Share Our Strength (SOS), one of the nation’s leading organizations working to end childhood hunger in America, Ferrero has created a Web site called Share Something Sweet (sharesomethingsweet.com). With this site, you can send virtual snow globes to friends and family that can be customized by uploading photographs as well as personal messages. As part of its work on SOS, Ferrero will be donating $20,000 to the charity. You can join us in supporting this cause by sending a personalized e-card snow globe and spreading the word. I hope you enjoy the site and it’s something you’d like to share with your readers. www.sharesomethingweet.com

Last, the event: Ferrero is also supporting SOS through sponsorship of SWEET, “New York’s Biggest Dessert Party,” a culinary festival at which visitors can sample creations from New York’s most renowned pastry chefs, confectioners and chocolatiers. All proceeds from the event benefit SOS. SWEET takes place on November 16, at 9 p.m. at The Waterfront, in New York. Delicious photos from the SWEET event will be posted on www.ShareSomethingSweet.com later this month.

Please let me know if I can send you additional press materials and images on these Ferrero initiatives. Thanks so much for your time, and I hope this finds you well. More from me later.

Best,

Charlie”

So go send someone a snowglobe. And then bring me some ice for my ass.

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5 Responses to “Thank God I didn’t threaten to post a picture of his pecker”

  1. magneto bold too Says:

    WHAT!!!!! Who cares about your ass….. SOMEONE IS SENDING YOU FREE DARK CHOCOLATE!!!!

    OMG, where do I get me some of that action? Ooooh dark chocolate, sweet I mean bitter, chocolate…..

    Hope your ass is better. Now send me the chocolate….

  2. mrschili Says:

    Yeah, how do I get in on the free chocolate, too?

    And you know, this is no where NEAR as good a story as your shooting yourself in the head. Though, come to think of it, it’d be really hard to top that stunt, so let’s just go with the remote up the ass and call it even..

  3. Pat K Says:

    When you fart does it change the
    T/V channel?

  4. Mandy Lou Says:

    I get the “the painful, but ultimately harmless injury” all the time – they usually take the shape of what I call “the mystery bruise” and typically show up the morning after a party!

  5. Patsy(GrandmaPatsy) Says:

    Mmm, dark chocolate I don’t care what it covers, save me some.
    maybe its a good thing it was only a remote in the coushion, hey, Lighting Mcqueen could have bit you on the ass.


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