The countdown is on

In less than 48 hours, my baby boy will be home.  For 2 whole weeks.

That’s as exciting as this post gets because I honestly cannot think about anything else.

For those who may not know, my oldest son, Nate, is the Army. He is stationed in California and it has been more than a year since we last saw him.   We miss him BADLY.

In lieu of actual content (because of the excitement!) I will tell a story on the boy.

The story is entitled:  To This Day, One of the Most Embarrassing Moments of My Life.

Subtitled: Thanks a LOT, Nate, You Little Sumbitch

What had happened was, we were in a grocery store, waiting in line at the checkout.  It was a bit of a wait and I was perusing the impulse items.  I was eying the candy bars, thinking about having one. You know, on impulse. LIKE THE GROCERY STORE MEANT FOR ME TO, NATE.

So anyway, I make my selection and reach out to grab it (was likely a Twix, for the curious among you) and Nate flings himself in front of the candy bars, throws his arms in front of the candy in a protective manner and yells (oh yes, he yelled), ‘Mom, Nooooo!’

I swear to God and all that is holy, I almost killed the little bastard right there in Brookshire’s.

What I did instead was laugh weakly, mutter something about my diabetic aunt, fling money at the cashier for my groceries (which did NOT include any fucking candy bars) and hurried my ass out of there like it was on fire and I had an extinguisher in the car.

He was about 10 years old at the time and in the roughly 10 years since, he has pissed me off any number of times but he has never managed to surpass that occasion.


13 Responses to “The countdown is on”

  1. Kizz Says:

    Oh, you should check out the contest that Flea has been having (www., more child-centric hilarity.

    He’s a good looking soldier, I’m glad he’s coming home to visit, enjoy him!

  2. mrschili Says:

    HAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE that story. I bet you think of it EVERY TIME you have a Twix now, right?

    Happy visiting. Post updates (and more pictures because, DAMN! He IS good looking…)

  3. Contrary Says:

    Kizz, thank you. I checked out the winning entries on that site and now I just feel grateful.

    Mrs. Chili, I’m still traumatized by the candy aisle. So I get Pookie to buy them for me.

  4. The Son Says:

    So I have no recollection of that, however, I did find it extremely entertaining, that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard, even if I don’t remember doing it. So, tonight at around 3am in the morning I’ll be leaving to LAS to get on my plane home, I cant wait to get back, and also, seeing mothers with children my age say I’m good looking and hot, is just plain awesome. 😛

  5. Contrary Says:

    You don’t remember it? Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have shaken you so hard.

    (kidding! I didn’t shake him. I didn’t even beat him within an inch of his life. Like He DESERVED.)

  6. Pookie Says:

    “Subtitled: Thanks a LOT, Nate, You Little Sumbitch”

    One of my favorite quotes, attributed to Jack Nicholson: “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.”

    Hurry home, Bubba.

  7. Fishie Says:

    $5 says the boy comes home bearing Twix bars now.

    Yeah, Contrary, you can’t make ugly ones, can ya.

  8. Woman with Kids Says:

    That’s fabulous, what a helpful kiddo!

  9. juanasezzz Says:

    Hello! Been reading for a while. You’ve got a cutie patootie for a son there.

    My bro is in the Air Force and he’s over in the desert now.

    I too love Twix and I felt the pain in your post. You are a very nice mama to not have scarred him emotionally for his cruel and heartless behavior.

  10. Patsy(GrandmaPatsy) Says:

    I lived nextdoor when that happened, you came home with that look(you know the one, Pooky) “just give me something to kill!” and a dire craving for Twix. But it was funny.. Can’t wait to see my Nate-man too. love ya’ll

  11. Chris Says:

    You guys have a good time. No grocery stores, okay?

  12. Pat K Says:

    Have a good time on leave Nate.
    Maybe you could leave trails of empty Twix bars around the house.

    Mary Mary quite contrary
    Had an itch for Twix
    Don’t ya know.

    She reached for a bar but
    did not get very far.

    Stopped in her tracks by a 10 years old flack
    Har Har Hardie Har Har.

  13. jen Says:

    will never look at a twix bar the same again. hee..

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