I really think I’m on to something here. Or I’m full of shit. You decide.

Ok, y’all. I think I have solved the mystery of the Emo. Now, at times, while I am explaining this, you’re going to think my head is up my ass. I understand, because what other explanation could there be, right? But you have to trust me. I think I’ve solved what can be most kindly described as a sociological puzzle.

This evening the boy came to me asking for a SpongeBob band-aid. I asked to see his boo-boo. He started looking for one and came up empty. He really just wanted some SpongeBob bling and didn’t give a crap if he had the requisite boo-boo or not.

So I told him that he could have a band-aid when he had a boo-boo. I immediately saw a calculating look enter his eyes and that’s when it hit me.

It’s these fucking character band-aids. They are responsible for a generation of cutters.

It starts in toddlerhood. A little Dora, some Blue’s Clues, an Elmo here and there, and then they’re a little older and the drug of choice is The Incredibles or Toy Story or Cars.

By the time they’s 11 or 12, the die is cast. They no longer want the bling, but they can’t stop the behavior that causes band-aids.

Then they start down that rocky road of black nail polish, too much eye liner, streaked hair, and a texting habit that will eventually lead to arthritis. And that’s just the boys.

So I’m heading this kid off at the pass. He got his SpongeBob band-aid. No boo-boo required.


(For those who are wondering why my son is wearing some kind of fucked up orange lipstick applied in a somewhat haphazard manner, it was Cheetos. That’s right, I give him band-aids he doesn’t need and Cheetos. What’s next? Crack!?)


(See? No boo-boo.  The little weirdo.)


11 Responses to “I really think I’m on to something here. Or I’m full of shit. You decide.”

  1. Patsy(GrandmaPatsy) Says:

    hey , This is MIMI talking , if the sweet boy wants Sponge Bob band aids for his fake boo-boo’s.I’ll send him a big box, his asks for sooo little,yea right. I bet if they had Blues Clues band aids when you were his age,you would have had little blue paw prints all over. Gotta love that kid and his mom too.
    Question,ask Jo baby, Why can’t they make Berium in pill form where all I’d have to do is swollow 100 pill and drink a quart of water? It would be so much better.Have a Cat Scan tomorrowand I’m trying to get 2 cups of this stuff down now.It just doesn’t want to stay there.I think I need a SpongeBob Bandaid!

  2. JoBaby Says:


    The reason it is not a pill.. because it needs to travel through the digestion system, making sure all the structures have barium through out them to be visualized on the Cat Scan. The barium is chalky fluid… which taken over a length of time.. assures small and large intestines in their entirety can be evaluated.

    IF it was a pill.. in theory… you’d have to drink A LOT of water for the pill to dissolve. Would also make it more difficult to predict it melting, forming the correct combination of water/barium or covering the full length of the intestines. And the TRUEST danger of a pill.. . would be a noncompliant patient taking the pill and not following it with the prescribed amount of water required to dissolve it. This has been done for upper and lower Gi series… it replaces Go-Lightly… and well.. patients “cheat”… and don’t intake the water they need for it to be effective… as a result..they’re unable to visualize the colon because it’s not clean. In the case of the barium… if a patient did not follow directions… it would harden and form a chalk rock.. possibly causing obstruction, infection, major surgery…perhaps a colostomy.. and even death.
    TMI? ha! “Cheers”

    (you’re in my prayers.. hope you have good results from your scan)

  3. Kim Says:

    I’ll concede you may have stumbled onto something here. Makes some sense. Just one question: In ten years or so, what do these kids who wear bandaids without the requisite injuries become? God, I can’t even imagine! Oh, wait–I can! They’ll be getting Sponge Bob tatoos on their foreheads! LOL!

  4. brittneyann4 Says:

    Lol! This is very funny. You may be finding out the answer to a long wondered secret. I’m glad to say that I read the blog post that figured out the secret to emo. =]

  5. fauve Says:

    Move over Dr. Spock…

    And your son is adorable. We’ll have to hook up him and The Girl someday. Like 20 years or so.

  6. jen Says:

    The world owes you a debt of gratitude for cracking the case of Emo.

    Tho maybe he wants to be like early(ier) years Nelly?

    Funny kid. Love the cheetos lipliner.

  7. patti Says:

    it’s covering his emotional boo-boo….

  8. mrschili Says:

    I agree – I think you’ve figured that whole thing out. I tried to head that whole thing off at the pass by steadfastly REFUSING to buy character bandages (but, then again, I’m also the wicked bitch of a mother who opens up the Happy Meals and hands the toys back, so you probably shouldn’t listen to ME….)

  9. AndyThePug Says:

    You should apply for a job as a sociology professor.

  10. Woman with Kids Says:

    I think you hit the nail on the head… both boys used to come to me with the slightest hint of an injury, needing band-aids. Multiple, because this imaginary damage might start gushing any second.

  11. Pam Says:

    Hey I sure wish they’d come up with pill form or even IV form. I’m a cancer patient and have to have CT scans too often to suit me.
    Oh yes, your little boy is just adorable!!

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