What’s New Pussycat?

 Before you read this, do me (and yourself) a favor and go read this, especially if you’re new here.  Believe me, it will make a lot more sense and you may even find it marginally funny.  Or not.  Probably not, actually.

Dear Jo,

I finally figured out how to wash your (big, feral) cat.  tiger.jpg

Apparently, the poor thing can’t resist a big hunk of meat.  Who knew?  Anyway, call me and we’ll make you an appointment.   Sadly, as I still have not figured out how to shave your cat without incurring injury to myself, you’ll have to keep up with that task yourself.  Sorry!

Love, Your Cousin. Who loves you.  Maybe even a tiny bit more than you love me. So there.  Bitch.

Now this from a search that led some poor bastard to my blog:

“write one verse without a curse”

Whatever, dude.  Not fucking likely.

5 Responses to “What’s New Pussycat?”

  1. Little Miss Moi Says:

    Dear contrary. That’s a freaky photo. I wouldn’t have liked to be the photographer.

  2. Pookie Says:

    Little Miss Moi, the scary thing is that the photo comes from an article titled, “The BIG cat who doesn’t mind getting wet and wild!”

    In search of those big hunks o’ meat, I guess.

    *ahem*… sorry, JoBaby. I know your cat is clean. I was there when Thomas added some extra holes. You know… while your favorite cousin stared at the wall with her fingers in her ears and pretended she wasn’t involved with (or related to) a bunch of freaks.

    The story:

  3. mrschili Says:


    I have to admit to feeling a little sheepish (baaaah!) that I’d temporarily misplaced my memories of JoBaby and her phone calls to your shop. I remember now…

    The “write one verse without a curse” is a line from a Will Smith rap. It may be my fault that it’s on your blog at all – I think I mentioned it once when we were talking about foul language in popular culture (or maybe potty-mouthed kids? ). I loved your response to it – not fucking likely, indeed!

    Pookie? HOLES?! I’m totally following that link now…

  4. Jo (Meow) Baby Says:

    Oh My…

    My cat in living color, angry, diving for a hunk of meat (which really folks.. is a wee small hunk) on a blog for ALL the world to see. Pssssst…. Is this is where i pretend it’s the first time THIS has happened… (no really… it is… i swear!)…?

    Of course.. Britney’s cat was on alot of blogs too. My husband was disappointed to see it wasn’t all that special. It was *gulp*… a-v-e-r-a-g-e-. I asked him.. what did expect? perhaps… sparkles… a rainbow shooting from it??? You see what’s happened… my cat…. it has ruined him for others. They simply pale in comparison.

    Contrary… hmmmmmm….. you sure that’s MY cat? It’s ears are drawn back… can’t even see if it has aever had a peirced lobe. And the stripes?.. I know for a fact my cat hasn’t had stripes (and stars) since this past July 4th! (How else does a classy chic tell their beloved country Happy Birthday?)

    AND ONE MORE THING… I don’t mind it being labeled “feral” so much.. BUT…….Why it gotta be a “BIG” cat???? WTF?!?!

    (and bitch.. you know i love you more.. you’re my Thelma)

  5. Contrary Says:

    Oh. My. Dog.

    That was just possibly the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever read.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go poke my mind’s eye out as a result of the vibrant and detailed imagery in your words.

    If I had to quantify it, I would say that 60% of the fault lies with your cat and the other 40% with Mrs. Federlines’s. Because at least hers shoots out rainbows. And really, who can’t love a hooha that shoots out rainbows? That’s just plain friendly right there.

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