11 Angry Men (and one incredibly bitchy woman)

12-angry-men.jpgYeah, so I’ve been summoned for Jury Duty.  Jealous, aren’t you?   I’m supposed to call the night before to see if I’m even supposed to show up, so this may all be moot anyway, but I thought we could have a little fun in the meantime.

I thought we’d have a contest to see who comes up with the best reason and/or  method to get out of Jury Duty*.    Go crazy with it.   Use your imagination.

Leave your entry in the comments or e-mail me at verycontrary@gmail.com and I’ll pick the winner at the end of the week.

The winner will receive (drum roll, please) a $5.00 Starbucks gift card.  Which I’m aware is a chickenshit prize, but it’s better than nothing so quit bitching and get to thinking.

Also, people who are related to me (including Jo, who gave me the idea with her comment on the last post) are not eligible to win, but should totally leave ideas anyway.  This rule makes the odds much better for the other three of you who read here!

So, put your thinking caps on (again) and get to work!

* To any law enforcement types who may be reading this (Hi Pookie!), I do not intend to try to get out of jury duty.  Also, you’re looking very nice today. Have you been working out?


16 Responses to “11 Angry Men (and one incredibly bitchy woman)”

  1. Pookie Says:

    Asking loudly, “Is this going to take long? I need to be home in time to watch Nancy Grace!” ought to do the trick.

  2. Robin Says:

    LOL. Thats a good one Pookie.

  3. mrschili Says:

    HAHAHAHA! That IS a good one, Pookie!

    I keep coming back to Arlo Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant,” and the verse where he’s asked if he wants to go to war. “I wanna kill, keeell Keeell, KEEEEEL!!!….”you’re our guy!” You could make a lot of noise about how laws are too lax and how more capital punishment will solve ALL our problems. “Line ’em up and FLIP THAT SWITCH!!”

    This would be particularly effective in a little, piss-ant petty larceny case…

  4. ReDMoSqUi Says:

    Simply inform them you can NOT be impartial due to XXXXXX (fill in with something law you don’t agree with).

    – Jon
    – Daddy Detective

  5. fauve Says:

    Walk in and say, “I once shot myself in the head. Do you really want me making a decision in here?”

  6. Chris Says:

    Recite the following: “I’m really excited about jury duty. And so am I. Me too. See, all three of us are thrilled to be here.”

    Or… “Some say my views are extreme. But the death penalty for speeding? Or littering? I’m totally behind that.”

  7. Beth Says:

    You could go in there and tell them lawyers and judges are over paid nincompoops with nothing better to do than write stupid laws just to jack people up.

  8. Fishie Says:

    I think Fauve wins.

  9. AndyThePug Says:

    I like the Nacy Grace idea.

    On a more serious note you could just state that you sincerely believe any one who’s got to this stage of this process is already guilty in your opinion, and that therefore you couldn’t objectively judge the case. That’s what I’d do.

    Either that or you could go the other way and state that you don’t believe the system is good enough to determine guilt, and would therefore always vote “not guilty”.

  10. ontheponderosa Says:

    Breast Feeding, will work everytime. Let them dare to question you.

  11. Pookie Says:

    This could be Contrary’s big opportunity to engage in a little jury nullification.

  12. Pat K Says:

    Um break into a Flip wilson
    Impression of=Here comes the the Judge.
    And remember the Devil made you do it honey.

  13. jobaby Says:

    I knooooooooooooow I can’t play.. BUT…

    Pretend you have Tourette’s syndrome:
    Blink alot.. and randomly yell out “Motherfucker”
    “whore” and “Shitty diaper”.
    I’m thinking you won’t sit there long enough for them to even ask for a doctor’s note for proof.

    (OK.. now I’m only picking.. i’m very aware you’d have to have documention of Tourette’s syndrome… just had to laugh when i thought of my cuz blinking and yelling obsenities randomly. Truth is.. she blinks normally.. and her cursing…….. isn’t so fucking random… HA!)

  14. jen in OK Says:

    “I’m sorry sir, I would have loved to show up for jury duty but I made my summons into a paper airplane and terrorists hijacked it!”

  15. VeryContrary And the winner is... « Says:

    […] — Contrary Well, it’s officially the end of the week and we have a winner for the Get Me Out of Jury Duty contest.   It is, as very astutely predicted by Fishie, this comment by […]

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