The other day my friend Miranda and I had the following conversation. About spit. Because we are 10, apparently.
Me: Spitting is disgusting. Truly revolting. Ack.
Her: Dude, we all know how you feel about spitting. We get it. Now shut it.
Me: Whatever. Hey, when I was a kid, though, I could spit like a cobra. I was deadly.
Her: A spitting cobra?
Me: No, dumbass, the non-spitting variety. They’re just as mean and unpredictable, but not nearly as deadly. Unless, of course, you lie down in front of them and let them spit in your eye.
We then spent the next ten minutes pretending to be a spitless cobra. Complete with lots of spittle flying around and the noises one might make while attempting to ‘hock up a loogie’.
We decided that this particular snake is kind of grumpy, has an inferiority complex and is more than likely named Steve.
Steve the loogie hocking cobra.