Defcon 1

You can stand down, Internet. I heard from the boy. He’s fine. He is very sorry he worried his mother and he will never do it again. Or, you know, else.

(I am totally attempting to use humor to mask my relief. It’s what we in the business call a ‘coping mechanism’. And to those who can’t help but think to themselves, “what humor?”, I say, yeah, no kidding, right?)

In his e-mail to me (before he called), he meant to type “(nothing) bad has happened” but he typed ‘…bad gas happened’, which I think is the funniest typo I think I’ve ever seen.

That’s the big news for the day, but I do have a few more tidbits to share with you.

1) Jack is back in the hospital with a DVT (deep vein thrombosis), but it is not expected to be a huge issue and they’re gonna clear that bad boy right up and send him on his way. Now, all that shiny optimism aside, it still worries me so put your thinking about Jack caps back on and send good thoughts his way.

2) My daughter, who will be 17 on Christmas Day, and I were watching Inside the Actor’s Studio with Eddie Murphy this evening. As a consequence, I had to explain the words ‘queef’ and ‘cunnilingus’ to her. Considering the fact that each of my chidren probably heard the word ‘fuck’ for the first time while in utero, I’m remarkably hesitant to discuss queefs and cunnilingus with the girl child. This is the kind of shit that happens when you tell you’re children that you will answer each question they ask you honestly and to the best of your ability. They turn on you.


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