Itsy Bitsy was neither itsy nor bitsy…discuss

Ok, the whole spider story, because apparently, Lynnster and Mrs. Chili feel like I left some important stuff out of the story. I hope this answers all the spider questions.

I was sitting outside work, having a smoke and chatting with a pal. We spotted the huge ass black widow spider crawling along the wall and I wanted a picture. As always, I had a book with me, and I leaned the book against the wall, under the spider so that I could show the relative ginormity of good old Charlotte, as compared to the book.

Well, she apparently liked the looks of the book and crawled onto it, so I picked the book up and carried it to the shade so I could get better pictures. The spider was moving very slowly (because it was cold outside) and was surprisingly cooperative about having her picture taken numerous times, including standing on her back legs so I could get a picture of the hourglass on her belly.

My pal and I then decided that we had to show this spider to everyone, so we walked in the building with the spider still being nice and quiet on the book.

After about 5 minutes in the building (and it’s warmth), our old friend Charlotte started to wake up and feeling quite peppy. She kept leaping off the book into midair, trailing her webbing behind her and then I would reel her in by turning the book over and over, like a really primitive fishing reel.

I hollered for someone to bring me a critter keeper (a small plastic box with air holes) and we used it much like a fishing net to scoop her up right before she hit ground level right after another leap off the book.

I put a stick (so she could make a web) and a few munchies in there for her and she hung out with us for awhile.

The Orkin guy came by and I showed her to him. He asked if I was trying to sell her. My reply, (and I think this is a fairly accurate representation) was, “Who the fuck would want to buy a black widow spider?”.

Anyway, at the end of the day, I took her outside and let go right next to the store, where she is, no doubt, trying to get an appointment with her therapist to tell how she was kidnapped by giant aliens and put on display for other, equally large, aliens.

And that is the whole story.

I should add that I nor anyone else ever touched this spider with our hands. I did accidently touch some of the spider’s poison after she tried to kill my book, but I just stuck my finger in my mouth and sucked the poison off. That’s good first aid right there. Hmm..I don’t feel so good all of a sud…..AHHHHH! My eyes! My eyes!

P.S. Still working on that ‘6 weird things’ meme. Do you think ‘plays with spiders even though she’s deathly afraid of them’ counts as weird?

P.P.S. At least I didn’t do like this dumbass:

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