Remember this bit from my cousin Jo’s guest post?

“I used to call Contrary’s Pet Grooming business (in different disguised
voices) and ask if she groomed cats, then giggle like a school girl
when she responded professionally about baths, flea dips and brushing
away matted cat hair tangles. She cured me of making these calls.
I’ll let her tell you how.”

Well, at least one of you expressed interest in hearing that story, which around these here parts counts as a clamoring. So I’ll tell ya.

The deal was that Jo would call me often, asking if I washed cats. Now this sounds like a rather innocuous question, except that my baby cousin has a dirty, dirty mind and she wasn’t talking about felines. Please don’t make me spell out what she was talking about. If you’re that innocent or sheltered, and don’t know to what she was referring, I’m not going to be the one to corrupt you.

Lest you think I’m an idiot for falling for it so often, we had many legitimate callers asking if we bathed or washed cats. Plus, she always disguised her voice. Let me just stop and say right here that if Jo were to use her espionage skills for good instead of evil, she could be a high ranking official in defense of our country. The little twerp.

Anyway, time after time, she would call, ask her dirty little question and I would attempt to answer it. Then, she would cackle her dirty little cackle and then I would hang up on her. Well, I would hang up after threatening to kick her ass.

So, one time, she called and asked, “Do you wash cats?”. I took the chance that it was her (she did this almost every day, people. There was a pretty good chance it was her. I figured worst case scenario, I was wrong, it was an honest to God potential customer and they would think I was nuts, which isn’t all that far off the mark. After all, look who I’m related to)

So after she asked her question, I said something like, ” Yes, we sure do. But only tame cats, not big filthy wild cats like yours who might bite us and give us some awful disease.”.

It wasn’t all that funny, but apparently being accused of having a feral, unclean hoo-ha was enough to make her stop. What a wimp.

Now tell me another Mommy on the internets who would have told y’all a semi-filthy story instead of posting pictures of her baby’s birthday party. I’m not sure if this makes me cool or just kinda icky and sad.


2 Responses to “Meow!”

  1. VeryContrary Attention Whoring in progress, please keep to the left of the yellow line « Says:

    […] Please do not call and ask if we wash cats. It’s been done.  Should you manage to come up with some other bit of animal/sexual organ wordplay, however, […]

  2. VeryContrary What's New Pussycat? « Says:

    […] May 29th, 2007 — Contrary  Before you read this, do me (and yourself) a favor and go read this, especially if you’re new here.  Believe me, it will make a lot more sense and you may even […]

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