Contrary asked me to guest blog. I pretended to forget. She didn’t,
however, pretend to forget when she reminded me. Damn it. I’m much
better in person. I mean, I can’t even use hand gestures on here, and
I’m Italian. I don’t communicate well without erratic wild hand
Why the hell should I give in to her request? Who the hell is she to me?
Well, I’ll tell you…
She’s my Thelma.
Is there anyone in your life that you can tell anything? I do.
She’s honest and will tell you how she feels about your actions, yet
not judge you for them.
Someone who loves you enough to help you bury the body? Sure,
she’d bitch about digging, but she’d dig.
Does that person have great integrity? She does. Her integrity
Does this person make you laugh so loud that people stare? Yep,
they stare and I really don’t give a flying fuck, because I like her
much more than I like them
Once (as adults, young ones, but old enough to vote) when her
little brother called my home, we pretended to be confused oriental
girls. Not letting it go, we called him back as the police and told
him that he needed to stop harassing the girls. We laughed so hard,
we almost peed our pants. Almost.
I used to call Contrary’s Pet Grooming business (in different disguised
voices) and ask if she groomed cats, then giggle like a school girl
when she responded professionally about baths, flea dips and brushing
away matted cat hair tangles. She cured me of making these calls.
I’ll let her tell you how.
We do come from a long line of dysfunctional white trash, whom we call
“family” (notice I didn’t say “whom we LIKE to call family…ha!).
As children, she was the tomboy with 4 brothers, I was the
cheerleader and an only child. Not alot in common besides us both
having a “Y” chromosome and some shared DNA.
As young adults we found we had common beliefs, morals, and maternal instincts,
as well as a strong will to achieve more then the examples that had been set
for us. We became friends.
And at age 31, when my marriage became too much to bear, she saved me.
But, that’s another story. (and she won’t let me tell it; it’s all
about how she saved me and is my hero and all) Just know, it involves an
abusive husband, a phony dental appointment, a digital recorder, a long
road trip, a plane ride, rental cars, a 3yr old who wouldn’t eat his fries
and one devoted cousin.
Contrary is my Thelma. I’m honored to be her Louise.
I pray each and everyone of you has a “Thelma” in your life.
P.S. At no point have Contrary and I buried a body together. (we
always tied them to a cement block and tossed them into the river…HA!)
Oh…come on… it’s only a joke!