I need a hook

Y’all, I need a hook. A gimmick. Something that will not only draw readers in, but keep them.

Don’t get me wrong, I get a respectable amount of visits, but I’d like to have more…because, frankly, I’m an attention whore.

I used to have a hook. Back when I managed to injure myself in some bizarre, horrifying, yet oddly benign manner every other day, people came here just to view the carnage. You bunch of rubbernecking bastards.

But I’ve gone a couple months now and really, the worst injuries I’ve had is that one pimple that went rogue on me and tonight I cut a toenail just a little too short.

I’m not the type to self-injure just for the attention, because at the end of the day, I’m a pussy and am allergic to pain.

I suppose I could just start making shit up, but that would snowball horribly, I think. Pretty soon, I’d be telling y’all how I fell into a well in my yard and how it took the national guard and earth moving vehicles to get me out. No body wants that.

Other bloggers have a hook. Some are pregnant, some are crazy, some have talent.

I’m committed to this blog, but I don’t think I can talk Pookie into getting his vesectomy reversed and knocking me up just for blog fodder.

I’m committed to this blog , but I’m not willing to be committed for this blog.

I’m committed to this blog, but I can’t pull talent out of my butt.

Help me out innernets. I need a hook.


12 Responses to “I need a hook”

  1. Jo.. the hooker's cousin Says:

    YOU are the “hook”, Hooker.


  2. Hammer Says:

    If I read one more baby blog I think I’ll have to talk on the big porcelain phone.

    Now, if you had pictures of pookies vasectomy that would be a hook. Nasty ingrown toenails work too.

  3. VentMan Says:

    Hey. My only advice would be to make sure you focus on something. Maybe people liked reading your blog when you were talking about your injuries because it was a theme. My blog is about venting… that brings in readers who are venting about stuff and who are interested in what others vent about. If you think you could write about one subject well, then I’d recommend sticking to that and cutting “life blab” out of your blog writing diet.
    THat’s my two cents!

  4. Pookie Says:

    Well, there’s always the hook of “I’m-so-in-love-with-Pookie, Pookie-can-do-no-wrong, I’m-so-lucky, Sorry-girls-he’s-mine” theme.

    But then, you’re already all about that. Who wouldn’t be?

  5. Mrs.Chili Says:

    I’m gonna disagree with ventman a little. I think “lifeblab” is perfectly fine blog fodder. Speaking from an English teacher’s point of view, it’s always best to write what you know; the writing is more solid and genuine and real when the subject is something that you can talk about with some confidence and authority.

    You’re a very funny lady. That’s why *I* keep coming back.

    I’ve been wanting a broader readership, as well (I’m betting that we all do – we’re such attention whores!). I’ve been told, by my friend Kizz over at 117hudson.blogspot, that the best way to increase your readership is to read -and comment on – other blogs. People read your comment, the theory goes, and like something about what you say or how you say it, and they’re intrigued enough to click on your little blue name and find out what’s going on at YOUR site.

    Now, I don’t know for sure if that’s worked FOR me, but it’s certainly worked ON me – I found you through Blue’s blog – so there’s gotta be SOMETHING to the idea, right?…

  6. Robin Says:

    I need one too. I know I have readers, but I wish they would comment back.

  7. Terah Says:

    I like the idea of telling the “saintly” grandmother your NH news and writing about the hell that ensues. Hee hee. Couldn’t resist that. Much love!

  8. Jozet Says:

    Have you thought about keeping bats in your house? 😉

    I’m reading your blog, and I’m liking what I’m reading…even without the carnage.

  9. roo Says:

    Well, you hooked me, with only your charm and moxie– the constant stream of freak injuries was just a bonus.

    But if you’re really committed to a hook, I’d have to say one of the nice things about reading at your blog is that you have a nice dialogue with Pookie here. It’s fun to read how much you enjoy each other– your settlement of disputes via the blogging audience, your obvious friendship, the fun you each get out of trying to top the other one.

    Although one of the other things that’s nice about your blog is how relaxed and friendly it feels– you never seem like you’re trying too hard, and your readers (this one, anyway) feel like they’ve been invited to sit on the couch with you, put their feet up on the coffee table and chill.

    That’s a rare quality amongst the attention whores of the Interweb.

    Hey, maybe that’s your hook!

  10. Pookie Says:

    Well put, Roo!

    “A rarity amongst attention whores… ”

    Run with it, Snookums!

  11. Mom of Three Says:

    I think your writing is the hook, your wit, way with words. Be patient with these blog things, they take time! Do it for you, and the readers will follow. I mean, I don’t have that many myself, and it would be cool in one way, but on the other hand writing for an audience can give you writer’s block fast!

  12. Jenn Says:

    This made me laugh. You don’t need a thing. You’re a natural-born hooker. Uh, you know.

    There’s always snakes, though. SNAKES ON A BLOG! Add snakes anywhere, instant hit!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: