I need a hook

Y’all, I need a hook. A gimmick. Something that will not only draw readers in, but keep them.

Don’t get me wrong, I get a respectable amount of visits, but I’d like to have more…because, frankly, I’m an attention whore.

I used to have a hook. Back when I managed to injure myself in some bizarre, horrifying, yet oddly benign manner every other day, people came here just to view the carnage. You bunch of rubbernecking bastards.

But I’ve gone a couple months now and really, the worst injuries I’ve had is that one pimple that went rogue on me and tonight I cut a toenail just a little too short.

I’m not the type to self-injure just for the attention, because at the end of the day, I’m a pussy and am allergic to pain.

I suppose I could just start making shit up, but that would snowball horribly, I think. Pretty soon, I’d be telling y’all how I fell into a well in my yard and how it took the national guard and earth moving vehicles to get me out. No body wants that.

Other bloggers have a hook. Some are pregnant, some are crazy, some have talent.

I’m committed to this blog, but I don’t think I can talk Pookie into getting his vesectomy reversed and knocking me up just for blog fodder.

I’m committed to this blog , but I’m not willing to be committed for this blog.

I’m committed to this blog, but I can’t pull talent out of my butt.

Help me out innernets. I need a hook.