In honor of the many responses I got on my last post, where most of y’all agreed with me (hee!) , I have decided to make the internet my marriage counselor.
Our latest contretemps:
This morning, Pookie was touching my face. We were still sleeping in case you think this is one of those ‘Mom, make him stop touching me!’ deals. I generally do not object to him touching my face.
However, when he does it when I’m asleep, it reminds me of the time I woke up with a spider on my mouth* (an event that haunts Pookie to this day as he woke up to me beating the shit out of the bed and yelling. I’m sure he thought that I had finally snapped and was attempting to kill him in his sleep, as I’d threatened (jokingly!) about 37,000 times.
Have I set the stage for how I don’t want ANYTHING touching my mouth while I sleep? Good.
So I might have started batting his hand away, repeatedly, even though it was actually ‘away’ at this point. In my sleep/spider hating induced state, I may have smacked his hand many many times. Which, after a while, surprisingly, woke him up. Whereupon he told me to stop it (a reasonable enough request, I have to admit).
I told him that he had been touching my face. He denied it. Now, I’m as crazy as the next bedbug, but why would I have woken up enough to smack his hand repeatedly, if I didn’t know for a fact that he was touching my face? Also, what the hell does he know? He was ASLEEP.
So, that’s it, internet, what do you think? Also, this is about as interesting as my marital discord gets. We don’t even argue about money or housework (not that there’s a whole lot of either around here. Ha!). I promise, if y’all will be my marriage counselor, we’ll try to jazz things up around here.
Hey! Maybe he could take to smacking me for adding too much spice to the spaghetti sauce, like that asshole in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (a true cinematic masterpiece, and I am saying that without a trace of irony). Or maybe I could start spending too much money on frivolous things (which actually hurt me to type, so, NO, I will not be doing that).
Ok, on to other things (‘Thank GOD”, you’re thinking. I know. It’s okay.)
Jo, my best beloved cousin and the cutest little ole thing you ever saw (she’s teensy!) sent me a couple things y’all need to see. NEED.
Remember the David Hasselhoff video I posted way back when that had the women simutaneously laughing at the cheese and thinking how hot The Hoff is and had the men saying things like ‘He beats his wife! And he’s a bad actor! And you women need to quit saying how hot he is because it makes us feels insecure and less of a man!”. Remember that? (Check out the link. Because if you don’t, the dachsunds will be sad)
Well, he’s done it again! This is awesome. Oh, and for you boys, KITT is in it too. And if you don’t know who KITT is, I would like the address of the cave you were living in during the early to mid 80’s.
Also, there is a website devoted to making The Hoff number one in the UK charts. From the home page of this site:
“Think what he’s given to the world. Knight Rider. Baywatch. The reunification of East and West Germany. Untold laughter from forwarded e-mails of him in hotpants.
He’s given a lot. It’s time we gave something back.”
Oh, and here’s his official website.
* Did y’all know that in the avergae lifetime, a person will swallow 8 spiders while they sleep? Does this make anyone else want to never ever sleep again?