I hate spiders.
Yeah, yeah, I know. All creatures great and small, the Lord God made them all.
What the fuck ever.
I hate spiders.
Once, when I was but a tot, perhaps 3 or 4, I allegedly told my mother that a spider had growled at me. I know spiders can’t growl, but this was probably the first step on my road to arachniphobia.
I am generally not a fan of anything with any more than 4 legs. Most insects are on my eeek list. I do like ladybugs and doodlebugs, though. Because they’re cute. And I’m shallow, even in a etymological sense.
But spiders are the worst. Eight hairy legs, skittering sideways. Weaving webs out of their butts. I mean, seriously, that shit is just wrong.
I recall a couple of stories that happened at a former workplace of mine. They both involve escaped tarantulas. Bird eating tarantulas. ( A quick quote from the Wikipedia entry on these things: ‘one of the few tarantulas which can capture and eat a full-grown mouse’.) (holy shit!!)
In one story, someone (accidently) stepped on the spider. Can you imagine stepping on a spider that’s as big as a hamburger patty? A juicy, undercooked hamburger patty?
The other was about how a tarantula crawled up an employee’s pants leg.
I wasn’t there for either of these stories, but they served to make me keep my eyes open and seriously consider banding the cuffs of my pants (you know, like cyclists do), just in case. Because I would have fainted while simultaneously peeing my pants had either of these things happened to me.
What are y’all scared of? What just skeeves you the hell out? What makes you want to cry like a bitch and ask your Mommy to hold you?