In Exile (and kind of loving it)

Well, folks. I’m off at Mommy Camp, also known as the Best Western (witness horrid hotel art at left), where it is hoped that I will regain my usual sunny dispostion, because OMG, I am a horrid bitch. Ok, maybe not, but I was certainly feeling pissy and out of sorts.

Pookie and JD packed me off so I could come home to them tomorrow with a smile on my face and my inner bitch all chilled out.

I stopped by the bookstore to buy this book, but they were sold out, which is great for the author (Mary Janice Davidson), but sucked for me. But! I found this other book, which she also wrote and since all I really wanted was a book with her unique sense of humor and unrelenting goofiness, I was a happy girl.

While I was at the bookstore, I picked up something for the boy to assuage my guilt.

Meet Douglas the steam engine (I think he’s steam. He could be diesel. I’m no expert.) JD is a fan of Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends. He’s been doing a lot of talking about ‘Poor Douglas who has to live at the bookstore’. Don’t you see? I couldn’t leave Douglas there! I had to buy him!

Also while I was at the bookstore, I managed to offend the guy at the customer service desk.
See, he has a mohawk, and I thought it would be funny to tell him that someone had run over his head with a lawnmower while he wasn’t looking.

I know what you’re thinking: That isn’t even funny!

Well, he didn’t think it was any funnier than you did. I could tell because of the way he stared me down , because hey, he’s a young guy with a ‘funny’ haircut in a small town in Texas. OF COURSE, no one ever gives him shit about it and OF COURSE, he has a great sense of humor about being screwed with.

I apologized, he said ‘it’s ok, I’m used to it’. I apologized again, he said ‘don’t worry about it. I apologized again, he said ‘Good Lord woman, you made a snarky comment about my hair. It wasn’t even funny. It’s not like you called my mother a whore or something. I’m over it. You get over it too’. Or words to that effect.

I then proceeded to (accidently!) step on the back of his shoe, giving him a ‘flat tire’ when I was following him to the fiction by author section. It was at this point that I asked him not to throw me out until I had a chance to pay for my purchases. That, he laughed at.

And then he was very helpful and sweet and I would totally introduce him to my daughter if it wasn’t for the subversive haircut that makes it clear that he does drugs and trades in white slavery. The little communist.

Ok, all kidding aside, I was mor-ti-fied. Y’all may recall that I am quite adept at pissing people off because I think I’m funny. I’m gonna see if they have a class at the local college that teaches ‘Shut up already, Dumbass- 101’.

I’ve spent the bulk of the evening wtching a Benson marathon on TVLand. I forgot how much I loved this show. I was on IM with Pookie and he accused me of having a drink because I kept exclaiming over stuff on the show. But I did spot Ted Danson and Jerry Seinfeld in the early years.

Ok, I think I’m done rattling on for now…Benson is calling. The gang needs my help getting the Governor out of yet another fix.


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